(Two elves walk into the theatre and the doors slam behind them with the usual evil muffled cackle from Drew.)
AW: She never gets tired of locking us in here.
Legolas: Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose.
AW: But that's a really sad hobby.
(AW is carrying a large coke and nachos with double cheese. Legolas is carrying a bottle of water and some fruit.)
Legolas: You really need to eat better.
AW: Do not insult the cheese.
(They get to their seats and put down their choice of snackage.)
Legolas: (as he sits down) What do we have today?
AW: (plunks his seat down) The usual Mary Sue, Rivendell bound, and the lovely "plot twists".
Legolas: I'm Sue bait.
AW: Yes, you are. Hit it, Bounce!
I'm With You by Dacey Black
Disclaimer: lotr isn't mine. Allthough I wish it was.
Legolas: (author) I did get an A in english!
AW: For spelling her name correctly, anyway.
A/N: This is my first lotr fic and I hope you like it.
Legolas: Doubt it, but we'll really try.
I worked really hard on this.
AW: (author) Took me a whole hour!
Ive read the books and LUV the movie.
AW: Well, don't feel bad but I h8 your spelling.
Orli is sooooo hott!
Legolas: Quick, get the baking soda!!
Elear is NOT a Mary Sue,
AW: (giggles) 100% garentee that she is!
who ever that is and keep your flames to yourself.
Legolas: (author) For I don't do any form of "well done".
I don't need them.
AW: (author) My closet is already full.
Lyrics are by Avril Lavigne.
AW: Oh please Illuvatar, say it isn't so!
Legolas: Done and done.
Summery: Elrohir is really bummed out about his mom leaving to go west.
AW: (Elrohir) She promised me that she's bring me back something.
Will he go as far as to commit suicide?
Legolas: (author) Will my Sue follow suit?
CH1: To sleep, to dream no more....
AW: Butcher of Shakespeare
I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
AW: You been stood up again!
It had been two months since Celebrian left Rivendell.
Legolas: (Celebrian) I'm outta here! See ya suckers!
It seemed like two decades.
AW: That's what happens when you watch a sundial.
Other times it seemed like yesterday.
Legolas: For crying out loud, make up your mind!
He had stopped sleeping at nights.
Legolas: Elves. Don't. Sleep. Well, not really anyway.
He was barely eating and his father, Elrond looked on with growing concern. Elrohir had been very close to his mother.
Legolas: Much to her annoyance.
They would often go to the gardens in the one of the many courts of Rivendell and just sit and talk about nothing and everything.
AW: (monotone) How exciting.
They would go riding together in the surrounding forests and stay out for hours.
Legolas: Do you suppose we should alert Elrond to this fact?
AW: (Elrond) You two have a curfew of 9:30. If it can't be done before 9:30, then it can wait til tomorrow!
The library was also a favourite spot with Elrohir reading from one of his father's thousands of books
Legolas: (Elrohir, reading the dictionary) shad·dock A tropical southeast Asian tree (Citrus maxima) closely related to the grapefruit and having very large round fruit with thick rinds and coarse-grained pulp. The edible yellow fruit of the shaddock. shack A small, crudely built cabin; a shanty. ....
and his mother listening with her eyes closed and a soft breeze blowing through her long blond hair. And now she was gone.
AW: (snorts) What? Did she blow away or something?
Every night, Elrohir's bed was empty and it's owner was found wandering aimlessly around the Last Homely House.
Legolas: Imladris doesn't look that bad!
Starring at the night sky, he would relive the memories of the times he and his mother spent together. Everyday, he could be found in his bed, weeping uncontrollably.
Legolas: (Elrond) What is wrong,
AW: (Elrohir, sobbing) Elladan hit me!
Although his mother was still alive, but as far as he was concerned,
AW: She was in Florida! Whoo!
she was dead and he would never see her again.
Legolas: Look who's a gloomy gus...
His heart ached so badly that it felt as if it would break.
AW: Then he died and went to the Halls of Mandos. The end.
One warm afternoon when he was walking through the gardens in a daze when Elrond approached him.
AW: (Elrond) Have you been smoking
Legolas: (Elrohir) No.
AW: (Elrond) Are you on drugs?
Legolas: (Elrohir) No.
AW: (Elrond) You've been in the wine cellar!
Legolas: (Elrohir) No!
AW: (Elrond) Are you lying to me?!
Legolas: (Elrohir) *sigh*
"Elrohir, my utinu, I know you are hurting.
AW: Ahhh! Randomly inserted elvish!
Legolas: (Elrond) But now I hope you see why I tell you to walk down stairs...
I, myself, am missing my dear Celebrian dearly,
(Elrond) But my aim is improving.
Legolas: (snort) Don't let the Elven Lord hear you say that.
but now she is
safe any harm and I take comfort
(Elrond) She kept on using my razors to shave her legs!
that," his son answered without turning his
(creepy voice) They're
"But... what was
done to her.
(Elrohir) That perminate was horrible!
What she went
(Elrohir) She hates Twister!
been able to do something, to protect her."
(Elrohir) Like a can of mace or something...
He was close to
(Elrohir, whining) It's not
"There was nothing
that you or I could have done. How were we to
that your mother would be attacked?" Elrond put a reassuring hand on
(Elrond) Now, with that said.... TAG!
saved your mother from the orcs. You
be proud of both you and Elladan.
(Elrond) Eru knows I'm not.
I mended her body
after the attack,
I could not mend her mind and thoughts. It is better this way."
(Elrond) Your mom is now mentally deranged. Let's have a party!
moved out of his father's reach and glared at him.
(Elrohir) You can't tell me what to do! You're not my fathe- .. oh
can you say that it is better this way? You did not see what they were
doing to her when we arrived!"
Unshed tears were
now welling up. "She
begging for death!!"
(Celebrian) Not blue eyeshadow! Nooo!
A lump formed in
Elrond's throat as he remembered the state his wife
was in when she was brought to him.
(Elrond) >Hack< Oh... hairball.
She had received a
that had been poisoned, but thankfully, he had been able to tend to it.
(Elrond) *poke* Does this hurt?
Leoglas: (Celebrian, through grit teeth) I know elves don't have divorce, but you're pushing it Half-elf.
"I know that it is
painful, but we must go on."
(singing) Good-bye is the
"You're just going
to forget mother!" Elrohir shouted.
(Elrond) You bet! Now, bring on the single women! Rwor!
"That is what
you are planning on doing! I will never forgive you, atar! Never!"
AW: (Elrohir) Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever....
that, the young, dark haired elf ran down the steps and into the
wood that encased Imladris.
Sobbing like a sissy.
AW: (Elrond) And there he goes, tripping again. I'll get the medical kit.
Lord Elrond looked
after the disappearing figure of his son and
(Elrond) Stupid child. Can't believe I'm related to him.
Elrohir, how little you know of the love between two elves. I will
forget my Celebrian,
(Elrond) She stamped a reminder on my forehead.
for I shall
see her someday. One day I hope you
(Elrohir, singing) Someday my
prince will come.
Legolas: Stop that. That's wrong.
I thought that you'd be here by now
Already told you, Avril. You've been stood up.
nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound
I thought you just said there was rain...
That night, it
rained hard upon the House of Elrond.
Is it just me, or is this song fitting with this fic too well?
All but one
inside dry and comfortable. Elrohir sat on the small bridge over the
(Elrohir) Pity me, for I angst!
His dark hair and
clothes were plastered against his slim figure
and dripped down to join the minuscule river.
(singing) Drip drip drop
little April showers....
He had tried to
but he was on father's side, so there was no reasoning with him.
He was all alone.
(Elrohir, singing) On my
Legolas: You are singing too much.
Now more than
ever. No one could completely
what he was going through.
Angst is so thick, you can stand on it...
Arwen was in
(Elrohir, darkly) The
and though there
were elves in
corner of Imladris, there was no one for the son of Elrond to talk to.
To confide in.
I think I'm going to hurl.
He looked down at
the small dagger that he held in his hands.
(Elrohir) Is this a dagger I see before me?
it over and over in his rough warrior fingers. The delicate carving of
the blade and handle showed the care that had gone into its making.
(Elrohir) It is so lovely, I could just kill myself.
was beautiful how it reflected the moonlight and the rain glistened
(Elrohir) I stab at thee... I mean, me. I stab at me....!
::It would be so
easy to just slit my wrists:: he thought to
No! Go Suppuku! The death of a warrior!
::No one will
probably miss me until morning, at the earliest.::
He looked up at the clouds. ::Father would be
sorry when I am
(AW makes gagging noises.)
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
He can sense the Sue approaching.
It wasn't for the
cold rain that kept falling upon
his shoulders, but from the coldness inside his heart.
(singing) He's a cold hearted
snake... look into his eyes...
Legolas: Stop that! Stop that! Don't want any singing!
No one was
for him. It seemed as if no one knew he was wasn't inside. ::Maybe
should just do it and end my pain.::
(rocking back and forth) Why
does it hurt? Why does it hurt?
'Yes, do that.' A thought seemed
to encourage his current way
(facepalms) Now Elrohir seems
to have multiple personalities...
'Make them hurt as
much as you. Make them feel your
Why does it hurt?
To feel his pain.
Why not? ::But, what would
mother think if she
heard that I was doing this?::
She'd ground you.
'Your mother is
::But she would be
greatly saddened to see me in this state.::
You would make your mommy cry!
He looked at the
dagger a short while longer, while still debating
(Elrohir) To be or not to be. That is the question...
sheathed the dagger and stood.
(singing) Stand in the place
where you beeeeeeeen....
Legolas: Stop that! Stop it!
As he turned to go
back to the house, he heard a loud voice in his head.
AW: (voice) I know you can read my thoughts boy. 'Meow meow meow meow meow...'
::I am glad you
decided against that. It would have been a loss
the elven kind to lose such a warrior as yourself.::
(voice) You big hunk of meat you!
around, dagger in hand once again
(frustrated) Oh, just make up
and searched to
the origin of the voice.
(annoucing voice) Over seven million years ago....
His keen elf eyes scanned the
wood and shortly landed on a dark, cloaked figure.
(figure) Shhhhhhhhhiiiiiire..... Bagginsssssssssss....
"Who are you?!" He
(figure) Just the waterman.
AW: (Elrohir) Where are your bottles?
to be continued...