Legolas: AW, I can not mst this afternoon. I have a summoning from my father. I have to make for Mirkwood with great haste.
AW: Come on! It's bad, but it's short! We'll be out of here in fifteen minutes, maximum. I promise.
Legolas: (still being dragged) Look. I understand your liking of this... past time, but I am unable to do it as often. Please, I have to leave.
AW: Please? I don't exactly want to do this one either, but it's for a good cause. (They reach their seats.)
Legolas: (crosses his arms) Very well. If you can give me one good reason (that I will accept as a good reason for staying these few extra minutes) in one sentence, I will stay.
AW: Okay. (takes a deep breath) There was this really good author on Fanfiction.net that went by the name of Thalia Weaver and she had some really good, original stories written, when someone thought that they'd be smart (or stupid - depending on how you think about it) and took her story ideas and copied them, badly, and claimed them as her own (or in one case used it word for word) and now the author is off of ff.net and Thalia was very pissed off and I offered to mst her rip-er off-er.
Legolas: ... Alright. (sits down) But you owe me a favour, Blue Elf.
AW: (waves it off as he sits down) Yes yes, now onto the revenge, my way.
 

Dauter of an ent

AW: Translation - (evil voice) The spawn of fabled Tree-herders!

Disclaimer: no tolkns not mine lol! Lotrs not mine either & if u think it is ur crazy lol!

AW: Or you've had your head stuck in a hole for the past fifity years.

An: okay, I think this is a pretty kewl idea so r&r ppl!

Legolas: Re-use and recycle? But, didn't you do that already?

i’ll give u a cooki!

AW: (groaning) Aouw. Do I have to feed this one too? I've already got a brusie!

Lol!! kay so tell me if u like the idea k? lol

Legolas: It's terrible. Don't quit your day job, if you are indeed old enough to have one.

chapter 1: dreams

Legolas: And nightmares.

It was a quiet pretty night the moonlight shone.

AW: 'Cause you know how loud the moonlight can shine sometimes.

Quickbeam decided to go for a walk he wakled a long way & the stars shone down on him, he was happy, and then he saw a gorgeous lady.

Legolas: (author) And then he said, "Hi pretty lady" and she said "Hello talking tree!", and then a bolt of lightning killed the lady and Quickbeam was once again happy. The End.
AW: Well, that was a bit random.

‘quicbeam she calld to him ‘breglad’

AW: Because he was the new spokes-Ent for garbage bags.

& he said ‘yes’ cuz he thought it was a dream, but it wasn’t

Legolas: It was a curse.

& he thought it was a dream & they lay down 2gether,

AW: And they stayed 2gether 4ever.

& under the moonlight it was good. & he was happy.

Legolas: And when does this author intend for us to breathe while reading this?

~*~*~*~nine months later~*~*~*~

AW: (happily) 'The Return of the King' was in theatres?!?

quicbem was out walking agan & he saw the gorgous lady agan. ‘lady’ he said.

Legolas: Lightning. BOOM! The end.

‘ah quicbeam’ she said. ‘this is our child’

AW: (Lady) Isn't this a cute piece of abomination?

she showed him a baby & the baby was betufil

Legolas: Is that a good thing?
AW: Hold on... I'm still trying to figure out what the cooki likes to eat.

& he was happy cuz he had a kid hed always waned a kid

Both: ...
AW: Then how can one wane a child?
Legolas: I am not thinking of that. Next!

& she said ‘im a goddess one of the vallar’

Legolas: One of the mini-balrogs. Got it.

& he said ‘wow i didn’t no’

AW: And she said "I gives ya back your change!"

& she sed ‘i cant take the baby to valinor shell have 2stay here in middle earth’

Legolas: ... Did you get any of that?
AW: Hold up!
(AW dives into a now exsisting plot hole beside him and the noise of rumaging around is head. Some random objects are flung out.)
AW: (with each new object) Nope. Nope. Not it. Nope. Where is it?
Legolas: Uh... could I be of any assistance, AW?
(A waving hand appears out of the hole.)
AW: No no. It's alright. I can do it. OH! Here it is!
(AW climbs out of the plot hole and regains his seat. He's holding a small hand held gadget that resembles a large calculator from the 70's.)
Legolas: That is... very... nice. Um... what is it?
AW: This, my friend, is a Fangirl Fanfiction Translator (tm). I snagged it from PPC a few weeks ago.
Legolas: Ah... and what exactly does it do?
AW: Translates fangirl fanfiction. Try to keep up, eh?
Legolas: (hangs his head) Sorry.
AW: Okay. Let's try this puppy out. Let's see that last entence again.

& she sed ‘i cant take the baby to valinor shell have 2stay here in middle earth’

(AW points the FFT at the sentence. The FFT beeps.)

FFT: And she send. "I can't take the baby to Valinor Shell. I have to stay in Middle-earth."
Both: ...
Legolas: ... I do not think it worked.
AW: We'll try it again.

& he said ‘okay’

& she left

AW: To go to the gas station of the Valar.

& he was a little sad but went back 2 walking

Legolas: For he left the spawn child alone to fend for itself.

chapter 2: erthquakes & thrumming

(AW points the FFT at the chapter. The FFT beeps.)

FFT: Chapter Two: Earthshaking and Rugmaking.
AW: ...

an: u like my story so far don’t u?

Legolas: Maybe if we understood it.
AW: But most likely, not even then.

thanx 4 reviewing her u get cokies! lol

(Points the FFT. *Beep*)

FFT: Four reviewing her, you get cooties. *laughing*
Legolas: I am beginning to think it is not working.
AW: Shht! Do not insult the machine!

disclaimer; nothings mine exept my story lol

Legolas: (author) Actually, even that is untrue!
AW: (author) For that is why I am no longer on ff.net! Laugh with me! Laugh with me! Ha ha ha ha!

i woke up in the morning it was a pretty morning i said hello 2 the plants they were my friends i lived in a small house it was a hut.

Legolas: (speaker) And then I died of lack of oxygen from my run on sentences.

i missed my neigbor

AW: (speaker) But my aim is improving.

he raised me since i was a little child i didn’t know my parents.

Legolas: (speaker) My mother left me before I was born!

the grond started shaking

AW: The grond? What is she doing reading Chaucer?

i was scared id never seen a erthquake b4.

Legolas: (speaker) Had never experienced 1 b4 either.

i was sad my plant died cuz the grond swllowd it

AW: (speaker) It said that it tasted like chicken.

i was fritened cuz i didn’t no who 2 ask!!

Legolas: (speaker) 4 my father left me cos I couldn't reed.

o no i thout wut wuz i gonna do?

AW: Eat cheese?

the hut swayed like it was gonna fall

Legolas: And it did. The end.

so i decided 2 run away

Legolas: Alright, the author isn't even trying anymore.
AW: Hmm? Eh? Oh, I stopped caring after the "Dauter of an ent" part.

i ran & ran my feet hurt & ran & ran som more

AW: (speaker) And then I ran off a short pier. The end.

the grond shook mor it was so scary!!

Legolas: That is not the only thing that is scary.

omg!

AW: (author) Aye can't speel!

i thout & ran som more until i coulnt run n e more!!

Legolas: (speaker) And then I died.

then i fell down &

AW: Died.

everything waz swllowd by blackness…

AW: (speaker) Because I died. End!

~*~*~*~

An: OMG SCARY!

AW: Richard Simmons has a TV show!

what 2 do????????

Legolas: Forget this whole thing ever exsisted and move on.
AW: Here here!

eek! until next time tbc lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AW: Okay... one more time.
(Points the FFT at the sentence. *Beep*)
(...)
(The FFT explodes in a shower of sparks, causing AW to throw it across the room.)
AW: Gah!
Legolas: What caused it to do that?
AW: Um... (looks at the fic) ... Oh...I think it was the extensive use of the exclaimation point.
Legolas: What a shame.
(AW picks up the FFT and looks at it sadly.)
AW: Yeah. Maybe I could fix it.
Legolas: Perhaps. (Pauses) Well, I must be off to Mirkwood. (gets up) Is there anything I can get you from back home?
AW: Well, normally, I'm not one for fermented grape juice, but I've heard that Mirkwood's wine is amoung the best.... so..
Legolas: Done, but do not let me see you on fanfiction.net while enjoying some.
AW: Not to see me doing so? Done and done.
Legolas: Good. I shall see you upon my return.
(Legolas leaves, leaving AW to grin evilly behind him.)