(fic rolls)

Chapter 2: Bitter Disappointment

Aragorn: Is she referring to this story?

Legolas had on more than one occasion assured Lord Elrond that

Drew: Red really wasn’t a good colour on him.

a banquet in his honour, whenever he returned to Rivendell,

Aragorn: Once every hundred years, or so.

was simply not necessary as the whole ordeal seemed so

Drew: Ridiculous!  Who needs to eat anyways?
Aragorn: Certainly no one at Rivendell ever eats.

informal to the undemanding and simplistic nature of Legolas.

Drew: Um... wouldn’t informal be a good thing, if you like simple things?
Aragorn: (nodding sagely) I would think so.

However every single time he had been greeted with the same answer,

Drew: (Elrond) Yes, peanut butter is made mostly from peanuts.
Aragorn: (Elrond) And, no, you cannot borrow my tiara.

“Nonsense, Legolas.

Drew: (Elrond) Of course you should not wear silver.  Gold is more flattering.

‘Tis a time for great celebration when one of my dearest friend’s sons, whom I regard closely as one of my children, returns to Rivendell.”

Drew: Wow, Elrond, do you ever need to get out more!

The whole day’s preparations were to be finally paid off,

Drew: (waves a something in the air) I swiped Celeborn’s Gold Card!
Aragorn: Where did you get that??
Drew: At the last potluck. ^.^ He’ll never miss it.
Aragorn: I know nothing about this, understood!

so it felt to Legolas as though he had a duty to

Drew: Eat all his Brussel sprouts.

Lord Elrond and his people to attend the banquet.

For a few stolen moments,

Aragorn: He had better give them back.  Elrond does not look kindly on thieves.

he wandered out onto the golden shores

Drew: Wondering if a good drowning would get him out of banquet duty.

simply listening to harmonious burbling

Drew: (pulls out a music book and reads) Handle’s Burbles in F Major

of shimmering brook nearby.

“An array of endless banquets.

Aragorn: I thought it was only one banquet.

What good does it do anyone?”

Aragorn: Well, for one thing, it eliminates hunger pains.
Drew: And, it provides a wonderful arena for the cup game.

the weary mutterings of another broke him

Aragorn: Into a million pieces.
Drew: With the hero dead, the story ended.

from his meditative silence.

Drew: (Legolas, groaning) Oh, why did I eat seven breakfast burritos?

Across the other side of the river, Legolas watched noiselessly

Aragorn: By definition, watching is silent.

as his eyes beheld another elf younger than he.

Aragorn: Arwen? (snatching up his sword)  If that blonde Elf tries anything, I will make him wish he could die!
Drew: Park it, King-boy.

It amused him to watch such a beautiful creature mutter furiously to herself whilst unaware of his presence.

Drew: Aaah!  She’s turned him into a Peeping Tom! (hides her face in her hands, sobbing)
Aragorn: (rubs her back) Shhh.  It will be all right.  Remember?  He is playing Uno with AW.
Drew: (sniffs) Oh, yeah. (sits up, slowly) Thanks.

Andromielle had snuck

Drew: Vast amounts of chocolate.

away the very moment Perpetua’s back was turned

Drew: (snicker) Every time I see that name, I think of a hummingbird.
Aragorn: What?  Why?
Drew: (shrug) Word association, I guess: Perpetua, perpetual motion, hummingbird.  Voila!

as she had been deciding on which ridiculously heavy dress to make the young Queen wear.

Drew: Breathe, PrincessofAllFairyTaleThingz, breathe.
Aragorn: (sighs) And, Elves do not wear heavy clothes.

Sighing heavily,

Aragorn: She jumped in, and drowned herself.  The end.

she knelt by the River’s side dipping her

Aragorn: Head.


Aragorn: Drat!

into the sparkling depths, letting the cool sensations soothe her.

Drew: (Andromielle) Whoa!  It’s like being inside a lava lamp.

The long lashes that framed her dark, mysterious eyes

Aragorn: (snort) Mysterious eyes?

fluttered shut for a few moments, becoming completely immersed by the feel of the River.

Aragorn: She can feel the river on her eyelashes?
Drew: So... she does have her head in the water.

Legolas had stepped lightly

Drew: (Legolas) Be vewy, vewy qwiet... I’m hunting she-Elf.

onto a wooden bridge that took him across the river,

Drew: Neat trick!  I want a moving bridge.  Is it like a treadmill, I wonder?

treading without the slightest sound.

Aragorn: Well, I would expect that from an elf!

He noticed that when the young girl’s eyes opened again,

Drew: The lights were on, but no one was home.

they shone with the sorrow of tears.

Drew: Cool! Luminescent tears!
Aragorn: O_o..Pardon?
Drew: Big book learning word for “glow in the dark.”
Aragorn: (shudders) Sounds evil.

Caught up in

Drew: Elrond’s volleyball net.

wondering what could have caused her this woe,

Aragorn: Woe, woe, woe is me.  Alas, I must read this foul tale.

Legolas’ step snapped a twig with a c-crack

Aragorn: (snickers) His step did not crack fully break it the first time, so he had to try again.

that echoed through the silent trees.

Drew: (echo) Crack, crack, crack...
Aragorn: (trees) Shhhhhh.

Immediately jerking her head up

Aragorn: Andromielle got a major kink in her neck.
Drew: And lost about 6 million brain cells... not that anyone would notice.

in his direction, the maiden looked at him suspiciously as she rose and backed away.

Aragorn: She tripped over a protruding tree root, fell into the water and
drowned.  The end.

“I mean you no harm,” said Legolas sincerely,

Drew: (Legolas, robotic voice) I come in peace.  Take me to your Leader.

as he too took a few steps back in order to validate his statement.

Drew: (square dance caller) Bow to your corner, bow to your partner, and promenade.

“Then why come near me at all?”

Aragorn: (Legolas, shrugs) Good point, I will leave now.

Andromielle narrowed her crescent shaped eyes at him,

Aragorn: (falls out of his chair, laughing)
Drew: (singing) When the moon is your eye, like a big crust of pie....

but it was becoming more difficult to do so,

Drew: Yes, making your eyes crescent shaped is difficult.  (tries, only ending up cross-eyed)
Aragorn: No, no.  It’s more like ...this.  (crescents his eyes)
Drew: Ahhh!  Ok, you can stop that now.  That’s just unnatural.

since light pouring through the trees revealed more of the Elf’s face.

Drew: (pulls out pipe organ, begins playing Phantom of the Opera: Overture)

He was beautiful;

Aragorn: (snickers) I cannot wait to tell him that!

his gallant eyes

Both: (snorts and snickers)
Drew: Can we please call him in?  He’d love to read this.
Aragorn: No, leave him in peace.  He’s been through enough.

displayed his expressive nature

Drew: So... what? Does he write poetry, or something?
Aragorn: Well, when he is not discussing his emotions.  Or going to the commode with the other Elves.

whilst his fair hair shone softly in the glint of the setting sun.

Aragorn: I thought the light was pouring in... Now the sun is setting?  How does that work?
Drew: (flatly) Welcome to Sue logic.

“I meant not to alarm you,” he bowed his head slightly,

Aragorn: (Legolas) But there is a giant, Mirkwood sized spider right behind you!

“It is a good ailing remedy for me too.”

Drew: (puzzling it over) Ailing remedy?  Like deafening silence? Or jumbo shrimp?
Aragorn: Mmmm, ale.  (to Drew) Could we get some ale in here?
Drew: Sorry, this is the family zone.
Aragorn: (mutters) At least, if I was drunk now, I wouldn’t remember this tomorrow.

Andromielle took a few steps closer. “The River?”

Aragorn: (Legolas) No, ale!

He nodded in reply.

Aragorn: Pushed her in, and went in search of some ale.

“The water. The very source of life and our existence,

Drew: Soo... Men are made from earth, and Elves are made of water?  What are Dwarves?  Teflon?

he leant down to collect some in his slender hand,

Aragorn: You know, I never realized till now just how effeminate he is.
Drew: (whips out thesaurus, reads) Effeminate: adjective.  Unmanly, womanish... sissified!  (glances at Aragorn)  Are you sure he can’t hear us outside?

letting it flow freely through his fingers.

Drew: (Legolas) You’re free now, little water droplets.  Free!

Andromielle stood transfixed in fascination.

Drew: She’s one fry short of a Happy Meal, folks.

Never had she met an elf like this in the City of Rivendell.

Aragorn: (annoyed) Rivendell is not a city.  It is the “Last Homely House.” A large house, but still, just a house!

The very movements he made were graceful and catlike in themselves.

Drew: Meow!  So now Elves are also part cat?
Aragorn: Part water, part cat... (snicker) WaterCats.
Drew: But, don’t cats hate water?

Legolas caught the young maiden looking at him.

Drew: (Legolas) What!  Is my zipper down? What?
Aragorn: (Legolas) Do I have something in my teeth?

“Water is also useful for one other thing,” he smiled impishly,

Aragorn: Placing his hand on the back of her neck, he plunged her head into the water.
Drew: She drowned.  The end.
Aragorn: Now, may I have a pint?
Drew: No!

before flicking glistening droplets at the girl.

Drew: (Andromielle) Ahhh!  I’m melting, I’m melting...

A shocked expression hung onto Andromielle’s features as the cold water made contact with her face,

Drew: (Andromielle, fading voice) ...melting...

causing her to blink

Aragorn: (Legolas, sing-song) Haha, made you blink.  You owe me an ale.
Drew: (turns to Aragorn) You’ve played that game?
Aragorn: Yes, Celeborn taught it to me.
Drew: (to herself) Wow, that’s an old game.

and turn her head away instinctively.

Drew: And two million more brain cells bite the dust.  And still, no change.

As she turned back round, Andromielle noticed

Aragorn: He was gone.

the look of amusement on the playful elf’s face.

Aragorn: (Legolas) Gee, you look funny.  Are you going to be sick?
Drew: (Legolas) Here, use my BSB.

“Two can play at this game, my good sir,”

Drew: (Andromielle) B-9
Honey from projection room: (Legolas) MISS!

she returned his smile

Aragorn: Although her smile was slightly distorted... being melted and all.

with equal deviousness, as she leant her hand down into the river,

Aragorn: Lost her balance, and fell in, drowning.  The End.  Happy hour!
Drew: Ok, it’s not funny anymore.  Quit it.  And no ale!

causing a great splash.

Aragorn: See.  I told you she fell in.

He dodged expertly to avoid the barrage of water drops pouring down upon him.

Drew: She must be one heavy Elf to cause a splash like that!

“You will have to do better than that, Miss,” Legolas smirked;

Aragorn: (Legolas) She-Elves is so stupid.
Drew: Hey!  (punches him in the arm)

one of his Prince-like qualities was finally displayed,

Aragorn: As his pants fell around his ankles.
Drew: (scandalized, covers her eyes) Please tell me he’s wearing underwear.
Aragorn: Under where? ^_^

since he prided himself on his speed and agility.

Aragorn: He pulled his pants up lickety split.

Laughing, Andromielle smiled,

Drew: (Andromielle) Oops, sorry, I tooted.

surprised to hear that sound coming from her lips.

Both: (fall out of their chairs, rolling on the floor, laughing)

She thought she would never have been able to laugh again.

Aragorn: (still snickering, climbs back to his seat)  But seeing Legolas’...pants... down was funny enough.

Legolas caught the girl’s thoughtful reverie. “But you are not ailing.

Aragorn: (Legolas) You do not have a glass.

Your heart is heavy with the sorrow for something deeper,” he said insightfully.

Aragorn: Whiskey!!

Andromielle felt her face flush.

Drew: (Legolas, holding her head down) Swirlies!

It would not be very well thought of to be conversing over such personal matters with a stranger.

Drew: Oh, so now she’s concerned with her reputation?

“I am to attend a great banquet tonight, however,

Drew: (Andromielle) I’d have to have a shower, shave my legs, my pits, ...my back...
Aragorn: (shudders) (to Drew) Do you really do all that?
Drew: All of it, but my back.... ^_^

I do not wish to go,” Andromielle finally sighed,

Drew: (Andromielle) I want to hide out in my room, eating chocolate all night.

revealing part of her sorrow to him,

Aragorn: (Andromielle) I sulk to win sympathy.
Drew: All she’s winning from me is a good swift kick.

“It is to be a banquet of high superiority –

Aragorn: Repetitiveness and redundancy.

– I do not feel like I belong in that world.”

Drew: Ya don’t, Fool.  You’re a Sue!

“‘Tis a feeling I am acquainted to well,” nodded Legolas in agreement,

Drew: (Legolas) This does not feel like Middle Earth to me.  It is like I have gone through the looking glass.

“For I too must attend a banquet tonight at the House of Elrond.”

Aragorn: (snorts) Where else?  You are at Rivendell.

Andromielle tried hard to suppress her delight.

Drew: (Andromielle) Heehehe...  Be calm, be nice... Heeheehe... calm, be calm...

“Then I shall most probably see you there,” she smiled courteously.

Aragorn: Of course, since she met Elf-boy, she wants to go.

Legolas returned the smile wordlessly as

Drew: Wondered just what he had got himself into, this time.

he took in the beautiful iridescence of her porcelain

Drew: Toilet.  Her shiny, shimmery, lustrous toilet.
Aragorn: Speaking of toilets, I have to go.
Drew: Well, I’m sorry. You will have to hold it.
Aragorn: Hold it?
Drew: Hold it.

skin, creating an ethereal glow around her whole being.

Aragorn: Does that mean she is sweating?
Drew: Yes.

“I look forward to it,” Legolas said finally

Aragorn: Through clenched teeth.

a ghost of a smile displayed upon his thin lips,

Drew: I wouldn’t really describe his lips as thin... more... sensuous.
Aragorn: Aren’t you married?
Drew: Just because I’m on a diet, doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.
Honey: (calls down) And have you seen Arwen in a bathing suit?  Woohoo!
Both: (frown) -_-

before blending into the shadows of the trees.

Drew: Pffffffffft!  Now he’s part chameleon, too?


“My Queen,

Aragorn: (shifts uncomfortably) He’s doing it again.

your beauty surpasses that of the entire race of elves,”

Drew: (horse race announcer) And it’s Andromielle in the lead followed closely by Galadriel and Arwen, who are neck and neck....

murmured Lord Elrond into Andromielle’s ear.

Drew: (Elrond) Sleep with one eye open.

She felt nauseated –

Aragorn: A feeling I know all too well!

– Elrond seemed more like a Father than a lover to her

Drew: Which is why she kept trying to get a raise in her allowance.

and thus, it was becoming more difficult to dodge

Drew: The ball that were flying at her head.  (to Aragorn) I hear Elrond is wicked in dodge-ball.

his amorous intentions.

To the great relief of Andromielle,

Aragorn: She finally found the latrines.

they were in a great hall full

Drew: (Andromielle) Aw, crap.

with the presence of others.

Aragorn: No one was actually there...it was merely their essences floating about the room.

She offered a weak smile to her King,

Drew: (Andromielle) But that’s just on loan.

as she went back to scanning the room for that curious

Drew: George!

elf she had met earlier.

Aragorn: The Elf’s name was George?
Drew: No, George is a monkey.
Aragorn: Are you calling Legolas a monkey?
Drew: -_-

Feeling her eyes light up,

Drew: Elrond stood stock still, like a deer in the headlights.

she finally caught sight of him entering the room quietly,

Aragorn: He got very good a slinking around - avoiding fangirls, you know.

whilst sliding with ease through the masses.

Drew: (singing) He slides through the air with the greatest of ease....

Without thinking,

Aragorn: She does that a lot.

Andromielle rose from the majestic throne

Drew: (snickers) Did she remember to flush?

to greet the elf she knew not the name of.

Drew: (English teacher mode) Never end a sentence with a preposition.

His eyes finally met hers; a hint of a smile brightened his fine features for a moment before he realised, with horror, who she actually was.

Drew: (rofl) What a smart Elf... He knows a Sue when he sees one.

“Queen Andromielle,” smiled Lord Elrond as he too rose, “ ‘Tis time for you to finally meet

Drew: (grabs Anduril and brandishes it as the screen) (Elrond) Your Maker!
Aragorn: (Soup Nazi) No sword for you. (snatches it back)
Drew: (pouts) Why won’t anyone let me have a weapon?

Prince Legolas of Northern Mirkwood.”

Drew: (Legolas, waves) Hi. Howya doin’?

He motioned to the fair elf in front of her.

Drew: Not always the most popular...
Aragorn: But, he was always fair.

Andromielle could hardly believe it.

Aragorn: She thought Legolas was always the popular one.

HE was a Prince?

Drew: (Andromielle) They’re all alike: buck-toothed, knock-kneed, horse faced SPACE DOG!

He had seemed nothing of the sort upon their meeting just a few moments earlier.

Aragorn: For one thing, he had shaved.

Legolas swallowed sour disappointment,

Drew: It burned all the way down.

which had risen in his throat, quickly.

SHE was Lord Elrond’s new Queen?

Drew: (Legolas) I’m going to blow chunks.

‘How could she possibly find sufficient satisfaction from him,’ he wondered bitterly

Aragorn: (Legolas) When she could have had me: Virile Elf-Boy.

and immediately felt shame at thinking such thoughts against an old family friend.

Drew: (Legolas) Elrond is SO over the hill... f-or an Elf.

Yet, it still seemed unfair to Legolas that the first maiden he had felt attracted to in a long time already belonged to another.

Aragorn: (Legolas’ inner child) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  It’s not fair.  Elrond gets everything.  I like pretty things, too.

Not only that, she belonged to one of his Father’s dearest friends whom Legolas himself had also grown close to.

Drew: (Legolas) Do you honestly think it right to chain people like chattle?

Stifling the Elvish curses that were tainting his mind, he gave Queen Andromielle a gracious smile as he bought the knuckles of her hand to his lips.

Drew: (Andromielle)  Stop hittin’ yourself.  Stop hittin’ yourself.

Shivers were tingling down her spine as he let go of her hand with well-disguised reluctance only to speak,

Aragorn: (Legolas) Yes, I met her first and her hand afterwards, but to tell you the truth it was the hand who brought me more pleasure.

“Lord Elrond, I had the pleasure of meeting Queen Andromielle beforehand the celebrations.”

Drew: (Legolas, cheerfully) I creamed her in our water fight... only because my plot to drown her failed miserably!

“Splendid!” cried Elrond merrily,

Aragorn: (Elrond) I have no idea what just happened here.

“Enough of the introductions then . . .” as he continued to talk,

Drew: (Elrond) Blah, blah, blah.  No one listens to me.  I’m just a plot device.

Legolas stared intensely at Andromielle, forcing her to meet with his gaze.

Drew: (Legolas) I know you can hear my thoughts, girl.... Meow, meow, meow, meow...

What she noticed in the depths of his crystal eyes shocked and pleased her all at once –

Drew: (fortune teller) You’re going to meet a wonderful stranger.... it will seal your doom.

– bitter disappointment flickered there among the blue.

Aragorn: (Legolas, thinking) Drat. I cannot kill her in the presence of others.

Both: (wait)
Drew: I don’t think I will ever get used to those abrupt endings.
Aragorn: Now what do we do?
Drew: (shrug) Are you getting hungry?
Aragorn: Are you?
Honey: (from the projection window) She’s always hungry.
Drew: (ignoring Honey) Yeah, I could go for something to eat.  What do we
Aragorn: Something hot?
Drew: Temperature hot, or spicy hot?
Aragorn: Yes.
Drew: Ok, we’ll go with Thai food.  (calls up to window) Honey, would you mind getting us some...uh, (whips out a Thai menu)  Phat Phak Ruam Mit, Sa-te, 4 Po Pia Thot, Kaeng Khiao Wan Kai, and, um... some Khao Phat Naem?
Honey: Sure, no problem. (makes phone call)
Aragorn: (tentatively) Um, what did you just order?
Drew: Oh, um... A stir fried mixed vegetable, Indian pork barbeque, 4 spring rolls, chicken green curry, and some spiced pork sausage fried rice. Is that all right, or did you want something else?
Aragorn: No, no.  I am sure we will be fine with what you ordered.  I just
like to know what I am eating beforehand.
Honey: (calls down) Some one will get you your food within the next twenty to thirty minutes.  And there are drinks in the mini-fridge in the corner.
Drew: Thanks, Hon. (blows kisses)
Aragorn: Must you keep doing that?  I miss my wife enough as it is.
Drew: Oh, right.  Sorry.

Chapter 3: Silent distress in times of Darkness

Aragorn: She is talking about us again!
Drew: Except that we aren’t exactly silent in the dark.

“It is such an insult and disgrace upon my Father to have wed a maiden half his daughter’s age!” fumed Arwen Udómiel, daughter of Lord Elrond.

Drew: (Arwen) She’s going to borrow my clothes and wreck them!

“An insult upon YOU or your father?” Aragorn, her lover, asked knowingly.

Drew: (snickers)
Aragorn: What?
Drew: Well, are you her fiancé or her husband?
Aragorn: At this point, I do not know.  When is this story supposed to take place?
Drew: Your guess is as good as mine.

Arwen gave a cry of frustration as she heard the truth reflected back to her in his words. “I just do not approve,” she looked away.

Drew: (Arwen) So I’m going to start throwing things like an angry Dwarf.
(An angry Dwarf flies through the air)

He sighed. “Arwen. I have just returned home to you after many nights and days of being apart –– is this all you have to greet me with?”

Drew: (Arwen) Well, I _do_ have all these colourful helium balloons with “Welcome home, Argon,” but I didn’t think you’d appreciate the typo.
Aragorn: Isn’t Argon a gas?
Drew: Yeah.  But at least it’s a noble gas!! *ducks*

Arwen smiled apologetically, although nothing, not even Aragorn, could have laid her mind to rest.

Drew: (Arwen) That’s the last time I drink seven cans of Jolt in ten minutes.

She had taken an immediate disliking to the young Queen from the very moment of meeting her therefore,

Drew: (Arwen) Ew! She smells like skunk.

a reluctance to accept Andromielle in her Father’s life had grown bitter hatred in Arwen’s soul.

Aragorn: Bitter hatred being easier to keep alive than a chia-pet.

“Prince Legolas has also graced Rivendell with his presence,” Arwen informed Aragorn absentmindedly, as she watched the fair Prince from afar.

Prince Legolas: (pirouettes gracefully in a random, eerily lit gazebo)

Aragorn stood behind her, also watching Legolas.

Drew: Jealous of the Elf’s elegant movements.

His gaze intent upon the Prince of Mirkwood, growing darker,

Drew: (Aragorn, thinking) Oh, why couldn’t I have been born an Elf?
Aragorn: (to Drew) Watch yourself, She-Elf!

as he saw the elf’s attention was captured by the alluring presence of Andromielle.

Drew: (hums Theme from Jaws)

“Oh, I must speak with my Father on this matter again,” said Arwen irately, “I will make him see sense.”

Aragorn: (Arwen) I will convince him that one does not wear stripes with plaids.

Aragorn did not pay heed as the seething Princess walked away.

Drew: Smoke billowing out her ears.

His stare was kept firmly on the blond archer.

Drew: (Aragorn, thinking) I know you can hear my thoughts, Elf... Meow, meow, meow, meow...

Meanwhile, Arwen continued on her way up curving marbled stairs. In her hurry, nearly colliding into one of the heavy iron candle-poles adorning each step alternately.

Aragorn: She then tripped over the sentence fragment and fell back down the stairs.
Drew: Not exactly the vision of Elven gracefulness.

“Daughter, what is the meaning of your haste?” Lord Elrond was on his way down the marbled steps,

Drew: When he place his foot on seven or eight stray marbles and tumbled head over heels, all the way to the bottom of the stairs.
Aragorn: At least we know where the ‘gracefulness’ came from.

he reached out and steadied the teetering pole.

Aragorn: (Elrond) That’s it, Young Lady, no more running in the Last Homely House.

“Father, may I talk to you in the courtyard?”

Aragorn: (Arwen) Where anyone and everyone may eavesdrop on us?

Arwen lowered her eyes as Lord Elrond looked at her in concern.

Drew: (Elrond) Have you been mixing up the breath mints and moth balls again?

“Does something trouble you?” he spoke softly as they both stepped out into the space of the courtyard bordered with tangled foliage. Arwen nodded.

Drew: (Arwen) The new gardener - Just look at the mess of these leaves...  The plumber forgot to tighten the faucet in my ensuit, so the dripping is driving me mad...  The vacuum cleaner is broken and the dust balls are collecting on my shoes... Oh, and...

“Your new Queen.”

Aragorn: Gah!
Elrond suppressed a sigh of frustration. How many times was his daughter going to insist upon being so stubborn?

Aragorn: (helpfully) Um, 89?
Drew: (helpfully) 376?

“Arwen,” his tone soothing, “I wish you would hold at least respect for Andromielle.”

Drew: (Elrond) Cause if you two get along, you can play house.

“She does not belong here,” Arwen said heatedly, “Rivendell did not need a Queen.

Aragorn: Rivendell has no Queen!
Drew: Rivendell needs no Queen!
Both: (high five)

Especially one so young. If Mother were still alive-“

Aragorn: She’d beat you senseless.

“Do not utter her name,” Elrond spoke sharply,

Drew: (Arwen) Wha.... Humperdink?  Humperdink!  Humperdink!

“I grieved long for her. I still do.”

Aragorn: (Elrond) But I have chosen to desecrate her memory by replacing her.

Elrond’s expression softened as Arwen looked away, “It is time for all to move on with life.”

Drew: (Elrond) By the way, when are you going to get a job and a place of your own?

“I refuse to accept her as Queen of Rivendell or as your wife,” Arwen hissed with the stubbornness of a boar.

Aragorn: You go, Girl!
Drew: (looks at him) Where did you learn that?
Aragorn: (grins) Miss Cam

“Why should it bother you? I do not approve of the feelings you carry for a Mortal,

Aragorn: (offended) Hey!  I have a name!

yet I do not interfere,”

Aragorn: Oh, no?  What was all that, “Arwen has gone to visit her grandmother and won’t be back for 400 years” then?

Elrond narrowed his eyes at his daughter’s irrational behaviour,

Drew: (Elrond) Remember, I still have those disownment papers in my study....

“Do not pass judgement upon me when the same faults can be found in your own life.”

Drew: (Elrond) So there!

With those last enraged words, the Lord of Rivendell left his daughter staring tearfully after him.

Aragorn: (Arwen, sniffing) He stepped on my foot.


It was approaching dusk.

Aragorn: (reads sign) Dusk, five miles.

The air was heavy was the scent of freshly fallen rain.

Aragorn: Yes! Dead worm smell again!

It enhanced the appeal of the dewdrop grass;

Drew: And the gumdrop house, on lollipop lane....

Andromielle noticed this carefully as she could feel each springy blade, almost feather like, tickling pleasantly against the bare skin of her feet.

Aragron: (Andromielle) Mental note: buy shoes.

“Hello Mallith,” Andromielle cooed softly,

Drew: (Andromielle)  Heeere's Johnny!

as she approached the horse that she was sure had forgotten about her since she had hardly ridden him from the time they had arrived in Rivendell.

Aragorn: The horse smelled the Sue, and bolted out the stable door.

Her heart ached with longing, as she stroked Mallith’s silken mane.

Drew: (Andromielle) I wish my hair was as pretty as yours.

Neighing in response to the familiar touch at his head, assured Andromielle straight away that he had definitely not forgotten about her.

Drew: But, he was still miffed about being abandoned for Elrond's pinball machine.

Instead, she received quite an offended look from Mallith as if he were questioning her lack of loyalty from not visiting often enough

Drew: (Andromielle) Oh, thank you.  I'll put this look in a safe place.

“It is not easy you know,” Andromielle suppressed a grin, as she stroked him reassuringly,

Aragorn: And... being babied all the time, going to feasts, having the finest in elf fashion.... say this is a good gig...

“Perpetua would be absolutely livid if she knew I had stolen away once again to see you.”

Drew: (Perpetua) Eww... now you smell of horse! Into the tub!

The furry lick she received at the palm of her hand told her that she was quite forgiven.

Drew: (Andromielle) Mallith, have you been eating dusty bunnies again?

Andromielle’s laughter could not be stifled by now. “Oh, how I’ve missed you, Mallith,” she smiled fondly, as she hugged the horse’s broad neck.

Aragorn: (Andromielle, hurt) Mallith, why aren't you hugging back?

Oblivious to the fact that she was being observed, yet again, she continued whispering to her most trusted friend.

Aragorn: (Elrond) I can seeeee you.

“Her pure spirit and good kindness for all set her apart from the others,”

Aragorn: (Elrond) All the other Elves had cruel spirits and mean nastiness.

Lord Elrond gazed down upon Andromielle from the high balcony he was stood on, accompanied by Legolas, “I noticed this in her straight away.”

Drew: Then why did you marry her?!?

Legolas stared at the Lord of Rivendell.

Drew: How long had Elrond been wearing those pink elephant slippers?

Andromielle had been under the circumstances of an arranged marriage?

Drew: And how!

So, that meant she had not entered wedlock on account of love being a contributing factor.

Aragorn: She did it for money?

Despite everything, Legolas felt pleased at this new revelation;

Drew: Like it or not, Andromielle was stuck in the marriage.

hope glimmered faintly in his eyes.

Aragorn: Legolas was safe.

As Andromielle started to advance back into the House of Elrond, both the young Prince and the King turned away from the balcony.

Aragorn: (Elrond) If we cannot see her, she cannot see us.

“I was advised that a queen to rule, should anything happen to me, would be useful to benefit my kingdom in the future,”

Drew: Since when is Rivendell a kingdom? I thought it was a house!
Aragorn: It is a house!

Legolas looked at him with concealed sorrow, he could see the King truly did love

Drew: Twinkies.

Andromielle. They walked down the dimly lit corridor in pensive silence.

Aragorn: Suddenly Elrond tripped.
Drew: (Elrond) I told Arwen not to leave her curlers lying around!

Andromielle was headed towards them from the opposite direction.

Aragorn: She had to use the outhouse.
Drew: (Andromielle) Outta my way!

Bowing gracefully, she stopped to acknowledge them with respect, “My Lords.”

Drew: (Andromielle) My Lady. Oops! Forgive me, Prince; it's the hair.

“Legolas. You must be wanting to seek Aragorn for he has finally returned from his travels,” Elrond spoke, glancing briefly at the younger Prince.

Aragorn: Loosly translates into 'Get lost, kid. I have no more use for you.'

“Nay, ‘tis not Aragorn I seek,” his words were directed to Lord Elrond, but his gaze lay transfixed on

Drew: Glorfindel. (happy sigh)

Andromielle. Hidden meaning vibrated in his voice.

Drew: Loosly translates into 'Get lost, old elf. You're out of your league!'

Hoping a blush of crimson had not crept over her cheeks, Andromielle forced herself to break their intense stare.

Drew: (Elrond) You broke it, you bought it.

Lord Elrond also seemed to notice this with unease, jealousy started to arise deep within him.

Aragorn: No, that was just something bad he ate coming back to visit.

“If you would please excuse us, Legolas,” Elrond started to lead Andromielle away;

Drew: (Elrond) IF you don’t mind, my wife and I would like to engage in some hanky-pankies.

feeling foolish to think it was safer for her to be apart from Legolas.

Aragorn: The poor girl had a hard enough time making friends.

He knew Legolas nor Andromielle would ever stray in such deceit.

Drew: After all, Legolas was probably gay.

“A gift awaits you in your chamber,” informed Elrond as they approached the doorway of the bedchamber.

Drew: (Elrond) Hope you like flaming bags of donkey doo.

Andromielle glanced at him with a watery smile as she entered the swirling fretwork of her room.

Drew: Guitar pieces glued all over the walls.

Upon her vanity dresser, wrapped protectively in a brocade of silk, lay a beautiful golden circlet. It shone with the shimmer of hidden jewels.

Aragorn: Hidden jewels... shimmering...?  Riiiight.

Drawing a deep intake of breath, Andromielle marvelled at it’s beauty as she touched it delicately, afraid it would collapse under her touch.

Drew: (Andromielle) Cheap Elven tinsel jewlery.

“It is a heirloom passed down through the many generations of my ancestors. Now it shall be passed to you,” Lord Elrond was pleased at Andromielle’s reaction.

Drew: Interesting... seeing as heirlooms are USUALLY passed on when the possessor is DEAD!

“I cannot accept this,” she handed it back to him.

Aragorn: (Andromielle) It’s already turned my fingertips green.

He merely took it in his hands and placed it upon her forehead to assure Andromielle that she certainly could.

Aragorn: (Elrond) You’ll wear it and LIKE it!

“Your radiance astounds me,” he whispered huskily, as he began kissing her neck.

Drew: (Elrond) Where did you find the glow-in-the-dark body paint?

Grimacing at the strange contact, Andromielle felt him push her down onto the satin covered bed.

“My Lord,” she whispered, a slight tremor in her voice.

Drew: (Andromielle) Is it time for my anal probe?

“Hush, beautiful elf,” he caressed her ruby rosebud mouth with one finger.

Elrond stared down at the mesmerizing creature before him. He could not believe the good fortune that had befallen him of having something as beautiful as she to call his own.

Lost in passion, he started to kiss her mouth;

Drew: Missed, and kissed her chin fervently.

desperate to feel wanted, needed, youthful again.

Aragorn: That’ll be a bit of a stretch... he’s over 6000 years old!

Andromielle dared not protest as he pinned her hands above her head and ripped the beautifully embroidered Elvish dress from her body.

Drew: (covers Aragorn’s eyes)
Aragorn: Thank you.  Let me know when it’s over.

He paused for a moment to take in the splendour of her glowing translucent flesh.

Drew: (Elrond) Um... do you always wear killer bunny rabbit boxers under your dress?

How Andromielle wished to stand and outrun this unintentional entrapment

Drew: Tell me about it!

but her discomfort went unnoticed as Elrond, shuddering with delight, ran his hands down her curving body.

Drew: I had no idea Elrond could be so... frisky.  He always seemed so... in control.

So lost in bliss was he, that he did not notice the torment inscribed upon the young maiden’s face

Drew: Or the faces of the two MSTers.

and the fear struck deep in her heart.

Drew: Sue, I can totally relate.


Drew: Ok. (takes hands away from Aragorn’s eyes) I saw the dotty line, I think we’re done... THAT chapter, at least.
Aragorn: Thanks, I owe you one.
Drew: I’ll remember that!

(Someone knocks on theater doors)

Drew: (walks to the door) Yes?
AW: (Muffled) Food’s here.
Drew: So? Bring it in, please.
AW: No way! I’ve heard about this one... I’m not coming in!
Drew: Then how are we supposed to get our food?
AW: I’ve got an idea... hang on.
Drew: (waits... )

(Individual grains of rice shoot in from under the door)

Drew: What are you doing?
AW: I thought it was obvious... I’m going to shove your food under the door.
Drew: (totally exasperated) This isn’t pizza!  Use the dumbwaiter, you dumb waiter!
AW: We have a Dumbwaiter?
Drew: (dryly) Apparently, we have two.
AW: Ok, where is it?
Drew: Look to your left.  There should be a door.  Open it.  Put the food in...  It goes up to the projection room.  Honey can pass it down from there.
AW: Ok... done.  Enjoy.
Drew: Thanks.
Drew: (walks to stand under the projection booth window... a platform lowers, revealing still steaming Thai food on a tray) Ok, here it is.
Aragorn: (rushes over to take the tray from Drew) Here, let me get that.
Drew: I’ll get the drinks.  What’s your poison?
Aragorn: (sigh) And we are still in the family zone?
Drew: Yep.
Aragorn: Coke please.
Drew: I hope you’re referring to the cola genre...
Aragorn: (flatly) Yes...
Drew: (pulls a six pack of coke from the mini-fridge)
Both: (get settled on the floor in front of the chairs, food spread all around)
Drew: All right, dig in.

(Aragorn bites into Indian pork barbeque, his eyes bulge and start watering profusely. He grabs Coke can and drains it in one breath.)

Drew: (watches in amusement) Are you alright?
Aragorn: (wheezes) Fine!  Never better.
Drew: If you say so... are we ready for chapter 4?
Aragorn: (nods reluctantly and wipes away tears)
Drew: Ok, Honey, roll it!

(To be continued...)