Drew: (author) It should not be taken internally.
I know Elrond would probably never act this way but this is only fanFICTION.
Aragorn: Thank Eru for that.
It is more interesting to experiment round with characters, because most LOTR stories about Legolas sound the same.
Drew: Well, she does have a point there.
On account of Lord Elrond, I had this idea for a story and if I made him act the way people expect him to behave then my whole plot line would disintegrate.
Aragorn: And that would be a crime against literature... oh, wait. No. It would be great!
Plus, when someone is in deep lust or love with another, they can act totally out of character, no matter how wise or regal they are.
Aragorn: I beg to differ! I am always
Drew: (snickers) What about when eating Thai food?
Aragorn: Quiet you!
I accept constructive criticism but if you are only going to review telling me how cute you think Elrond is then please don’t. Like I’ve said before, this story is not meant to offend anyone!
Drew: (author) That was just a fringe benefit.
Btw, thanx to all the great people who liked my story =)
Drew: (author) Your cheques are in the mail.
Chapter 4: Seeking Console
Aragorn: I will once I finish this MST.
Drew: It was right next to the “Finding Console”
Andromielle had escaped to the safety of Rivendell forest.
Drew: (British accent) Run away! Run away!
The billowy trees
Drew:... So that’s ... what? Old Man Willow
and Bill the Pony's love child?
Aragorn: (chokes on his drink)
seemed to act like a giant canopy to protect her from any more harm.
Aragorn: Then they got struck by lightning and burned to the ground.
Tears stung her eyes as she gazed down at her torn skin,
Drew: (Andromielle) I'm shedding again!
trailing a hand tentatively across her chest, wincing at each tiny shot of pain.
Aragorn: Speaking of shots, a good shot
of vodka would really hit the spot right now.
Drew: I'll give you a good shot in the arm. Now pipe down!
The assault of Elrond's teeth had corrupted more sensitive areas of her body.
Drew: (Andromielle) My virgin ears no longer.
"Queen Andromielle?" a voice behind her called out.
Aragorn: (voice) This is your conscience
speaking. Kill yourself.
Drew: (another voice) Put yourself out of our misery.
She jumped up hastily. "Legolas! For what purpose did you mean to sneak up upon me?"
Drew: (Legolas, cheerfully) To kill you of course!
"I often roam these woods during nightfall,"
Aragorn: (Legolas, darkly) In search of my prey....
Legolas held up his hands to show he spoke the truth,
Drew: (Legolas) Nothing up my sleeve...!
“I did not mean to startle you –– only to bid you good night.”
Aragorn: (Legolas, darkly) And goodbye.
When she did not reply, he stepped closer,
Drew: (hopefully) Brandishing a newly sharpened knife?
frowning as he saw the trail of thin red scratches evident upon her otherwise flawless skin.
Aragorn: (Legolas) Have you been frolicking through the briar patch again? Those thorns leave nasty scars.
"Who did this?" he demanded, as he touched the broken skin of her arm.
Drew: (Andromielle) Some red-headed guy named Louis....
"It is none of your concern," she shrugged him off casually, and began to walk away.
Aragorn: (Andromielle) Translation: Please pursue this issue further.
"Do not turn your back on me," Legolas' smooth voice was tinged with annoyance.
Drew: (Andromielle) Oh no, Legolas, perhaps you shouldn't turn your back on me...
"You have not the right to tell me what I can and cannot do!" she whirled to face him, eyes flashing,
Drew: (Legolas) I think perhaps you should go to your optometrist; that's not natural.
"I did not ask for this to happen to me . . ."
Aragorn: (Andromielle) I only hinted...
Holding back tears furiously, she lowered her gaze and whispered, "It matters not anymore."
Drew: (Andromielle, close to tears) It’s just that....Perfectly Puce lipstick has been discontinued.
Legolas' expression softened as he approached her. "Lord Elrond,"
Aragorn: (Andromielle) No, my name is Andromielle.
Drew: (Andromielle) But people are always getting us mixed up.
he needed not to guess, "Andromielle?"
Drew: (Legolas) Are you my mother?
She simply nodded,
Drew: (Legolas) Yey!
but suddenly realised with a jolt the confidentiality she was breaking to her King.
Drew: We really should keep her away from outlets when she has a fork in her hand!
"We were engaging in an act of love," she changed the tone of her voice to nonchalant,
Aragorn: (Andromielle) He was making waffles....
"It was an accident on his part."
Drew: (Andromielle) I told him it happens to lots of guys.
"This was no accident –– these marks suggest you were forced against your will," Legolas met her gaze meaningfully.
Drew: (Andromielle) Will? No, he wasn’t there.
Andromielle looked away. "He is my King," was her last weak defense.
Aragorn: (twitches) I do wish she would stop that.
"So he has the right to abuse your body in this manner?" Legolas asked;
Aragorn: (Andromielle) Yeah... doesn't he?
his eyes mirrored the image of a calm ocean before a violent storm was about to brew.
Drew: They turned pea green?
Andromielle avoided his question. "I was to learn all about pleasing my husband during marriage.
Drew: It's called "sex ed". Everyone takes it in high school gym class.
And now that it has happened . . .”
Drew: (Andromielle) I can never look at waffles the same way again.
a steady stream of tears were glistening on her cheeks, “ . . .I hated every single moment.” Legolas held her soothingly as she buried her face into his chest.
Aragorn: (Andromielle) Um... Legolas? ... I can’t breathe...
“He did not force me, he merely assumed I was ready,” Andromielle whispered,
Drew: (Elrond) Olly olly oxen free!
“I dare not speak back to my King.”
Aragorn: (head twitches slightly)
“And the scratches?” Legolas probed.
Drew: (Andromielle) Kittens do fight back.
“They truly were an accident. He did not mean to scar me,”
Drew: (Andromielle) I think he was trying
to kill me!
Aragorn: Go Elrond!
Andromielle said, then realised how dishonourable they must have looked.
Drew: (Perpetua) No ding ding without de wedding ring!
“I cannot be here . . .with you . . .like this,” she broke away from his arms,
Aragorn: And crumbled to the ground like
so much stale cram.
Drew: (Andromielle) Traumatized. Must. Talk. Like. Shatner!
“Someone may be watching.”
Drew: Big Brother!
“Then all they would see is one companion comforting another companion,” Legolas reasoned practically,
Aragorn: Oh, so now they’re companions?
Drew: (Russian accent) Come, comrade. Let us open a bottle of Vodka.
“There is no deceit in doing so. Come. I will escort you back to your chamber.”
Drew: (Legolas, darkly) To die!
“I do not wish to return quite yet,” Andromielle’s eyes widened fearfully, “I do not want to be on my own.”
Drew: (Andromielle) That’s when I two hear
voices mocking me.
“I will not leave your side,” Legolas assured her genuinely.
Drew: (Legolas) And together we will rule the Middle-earth as Elf-Boy and ...Sue!
Comforted for a moment, Andromielle acceded and let him lead her back.
Aragorn: To her doom.
But alas, it was as the young Queen had feared.
Drew: Teddy bears were romping through downtown Tokyo.
Someone had been watching.
Drew: (Andromielle) Stupid paparazzi.
His eyes burned with insane jealousy
Drew: (Announcer) Try new Clear Eyes (tm), gets the red out.
as wild rage consumed his heart,
Drew: (Announcer) Pepcid AC (tm)....For relief of heartburn, acid indigestion, and sour stomach. (to herself) I’ve become a walking commercial!
blinding him of all other emotions. Snarling, he disappeared into the shadows.
Drew: (waves cheerily) Bye Bigfoot!
As Legolas promised, he had not left Andromielle’s side.
Aragorn: (Andromielle) Um... Legolas, there's a thing called 'personal boundaries'; back off!
Watching over her, until she fell into a dreamless slumber.
Drew: Do it now! While you have the chance!
Clearing stray strands of the softest hair out of her closed eyes,
Aragorn: Wait... isn't she an elf?
Drew: Unfortunately last time I checked, yes.
Aragorn: She is sleeping with her eyes closed.
Drew: So, it appears as if a fangirl got her hands on some of the movie prosthetic elf ears...
he kissed her head affectionately and proceeded to leave.
Drew: (Legolas) Now, off to my date with Gimli.
Andromielle’s eyes fluttered open at his touch.
“Legolas, please stay,” she whispered, it was as if she could feel a part of her leaving with him.
Aragorn: (Andromielle) And give me back my foot!
“You must rest,” he frowned, sitting back next to her on the bed.
Drew: (Legolas, darkly) Rest, permanently.
“I am too afraid to do anything else,” she buried her face in her arms.
Aragorn: (Legolas, cheerfully) Then allow me!
Legolas stroked her hair in comfort. “I will stay for as long as you need me to,” he assured with a small smile.
Aragorn: Suddenly, Lord Elrond burst into
the room and smote many of his foes!
Drew: And he and Legolas were happily married in the spring and had bought a lovely summer home in Mirkwood.
“Then you will not be leaving until daybreak,” sighed Andromielle,
Drew: (Legolas, hissing) But...the yellow face....we hates it!
“I shall not be able to stay in this room alone throughout the night.”
Aragorn: (Legolas) Let me fetch Lord Elrond. He will stay with you and... oh, right.
She looked at him painfully. “It still hurts.”
Drew: (slowly pointing) Oooouuch!
Aragorn: (Andromielle) Well, yes.
Aragorn: But... she doesn’t have a heart...
Drew: (coughs) Plothole, plothole!
At those words, Legolas could not help but hold his slender hand to her face as she wept.
Aragorn: (Legolas) Shut up! Someone will hear you!
Taking her up in his arms, he held the trembling girl as her body shook violently with sobs.
Drew: If you can hear her sobbing, you aren’t holding her tightly enough.
As her weeping ceased slowly, both she and Legolas lay quietly in each other’s embrace.
Aragorn: (hopefully) Is she dead? Can we go now?
Knowing they should let go for fear of being seen made both more determined not to.
Drew:... Oh, yes. That makes perfect sense.
“May I call you Mielle?” Legolas asked thoughtfully, after a few moments.
Aragorn: (bursts out laughing) I thought Andromielle was a bad name! Mielle is ten times worse!
Andromielle had to laugh.
Drew: It appears she agrees with you.
“What a strange thing to ponder,” then she smiled, “You can address me as Mielle if you like.”
Drew: (Andromielle) I won’t answer you, but you can call me whatever you want.
“Well, Mielle, you must forgive me,” he spoke softly,
Aragorn: (Legolas) The time has come.
“I do not wish to leave you, but there is a matter I must attend to that will not wait.”
Aragorn: (Legolas) It is appointed unto
Sues to face judgement, and after that, to die once.
Drew: (to Aragorn) Ya know, you really fudged up that quote.
Aragorn: (shrugs) I think it works better my way.
“I understand,” she nodded,
Aragorn: Good! We’ve got her consent! Kill!
“At any rate, it was a foolish idea to ask you to stay. How would it look for a passer-by to view the Prince of Mirkwood leaving the Queen’s chamber at the early hours of dawn?” she grinned devilishly at the amusing thought.
Drew: Oh... just as bad as the Prince of Mirkwood sneaking out of your room in the middle of the night!!
“Highly suspicious,” Legolas smirked,
Aragorn: (Legolas) Especially if the (twitch) queen were to be found... dead!
“Almost as if we both had a mysterious secret to hide.”
Drew: (Legolas) You do sleep with a nightlight too, right? ... right?
Then he bowed, as he left the room, “Sleep well, my Queen.”
Aragorn: (Legolas) You win this time, Meille, but I’ll get you next time. Next time!
He left Andromielle with a smile of adolescence upon her fine features. Delirium took over and
Aragorn: (cheerfully) She died naturally of a fever.
for the first time in a long while, she felt truly happy.
Drew: And so was the audience.
Aragorn: (groans and stretches) Four down, one to go. This isn’t as bad as Legolas made it out to be.
Drew: That may be because this story isn’t really about you!
Aragorn: True enough.
Drew: (grins evilly) Would you prefer I find one about you?
Aragorn: (pauses mid-stretch) No no! Elf-centered stories are fine by me!
Drew: (smirks) If you say so. Do we need a break, or shall we continue?
Aragorn: I just want to go home. I miss my wife. Let us get this over with.
Drew: Your wish is my command... (calls to the projection booth) Honey.. Hit it!
A/N: Right, in response to Anon, I am NOT distorting Tolkien’s work –– I am creating my own twist on it –– what harm is that doing anyone?
Drew: (author, singing) You say ‘distorting’, I say ‘twisting’... Let’s call the whole thing off.
There is no need to get so bitchy.
Drew: (cheerily) We don’t. We riff!
I have read far cruder stories, which depict characters in a degrading manner, and granted that Elrond may be out of character in my story but why not take on different perspectives for characters?
Aragorn: Or, you could simply come up with
an original setting and a new name for your character.
Drew: Then, we would have no problems.
Life would be incredibly boring without variation.
Aragorn: Perhaps, but I’ve learned through experience that surprises can be deadly.
The characters have been placed in a situation that still happens today (arranged marriages) and I know this is not typical to the race of Elves but forget about the rules for one day and accept this for what it is –
Aragorn: A mockery of Tolkien
– a STORY.
Aragorn: ...Well, yes, that too.
And another thing, why should I have to work on my plotline? I do not go round telling others to change their plot if it is not to my liking.
Drew: (author) I just whine and flame.
Please just try to use your imagination and work with me, but if you can’t deal then don’t bother to read this story.
Drew: (flinches) I’m having an LQ flashback.
Thanks so much to the peepz who have encouraged me with this story (I luv u!!) –
Drew: (confused) Bird-shaped marshmallow by-products have been writing to her?
– I nearly stopped writing because of how some people were reacting.
Aragorn: Curses! We were so close!
Drew: Missed it by that much!
Chapter 5: Veiled Intentions
Drew: DEATH comes UNEXPECTEDLY.
Drew: (Legolas) Who you callin’ a ho?
Legolas turned at the mention of his name to see Aragorn running down the passageway towards him.
Aragorn: (himself) You are late. You look terrible. Here, have a girly necklace.
“Aragorn!” he smiled joyously, as he embraced the Ranger, “Forgive me for my late welcoming of your return to Rivendell.”
Drew: (Legolas) I was attempting Regicide.
“ ‘Tis forgotten, Legolas,” Aragorn dismissed it away with a wave of his hand.
Aragorn: (himself) I’ve attempted it a few times myself.
Then he studied Legolas more closely. “You are still as fair as I remember,” he said thoughtfully,
Aragorn: (himself) Have you been trying on Arwen’s dresses again?
“Why, you haven’t changed at all!”
Drew: (Legolas) Well, no, I haven’t... Do you know how hard it is to get to Sears from here?... Oh, you meant physically.
“And you, Aragorn, have remained as mysterious as ever,” Legolas pointed to the dark cape swirling around Aragorn’s body, “Will you never take that off?”
Drew: (Legolas) It’s starting to smell
Aragorn: (himself) No, I like it this way.
Aragorn gave him an offended look. “ ‘Tis a cold night,” he defended himself indignantly.
Aragorn: (himself) Unlike some people, I am not impervious to the weather.
Legolas patted his friend’s shoulder with a laugh. “If you say so, Aragorn.”
Drew: (Legolas) I was finding it quite
Aragorn: (himself) You know.. certain things shrink if they get cold....
“It is not a wise idea to patronize me, dear elf,” Aragorn narrowed his eyes; he tried to keep any tone of jest out of his voice.
Aragorn: Because as we all know, I have no sense of humour.
Legolas smiled calmly. “You are wound too tightly, my friend. You must ask Arwen to help you relax sometime,” he grinned mischievously,
Drew: (Legolas) Have you seen her Wayne and Schuster routine?
“But alas, I must leave you for I am in a terrible rush.”
Aragorn: (Legolas) I had the five bean
chili for supper.
Drew: (Legolas) I have places to go, latrines to use...
“Pray tell, Legolas, what is your hurry?” the Ranger’s eyes shone with inquisitiveness.
Drew: (Legolas, singing) I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date!
“A matter with Lord Elrond,” said Legolas, as he rushed away.
Drew: (Legolas, singing) No time to say hello, goodbye, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!
“Perhaps it has something to do with Queen Andromielle?” Aragorn’s voice sounded out behind the elf.
Aragorn: (himself) And, perhaps, that knife you have behind your back?
Legolas stopped dead in his tracks; he turned to look at Aragorn with a confused expression. “How did you . . .?”
Drew: (Legolas) Who told?
“Know?” Aragorn finished for the Prince. “Do not take me for a fool, Legolas.
Aragorn: (himself) We’ve all tried to kill her at one point in time.
You hold feelings for her.
Aragorn: (himself) Let the rage out. You will feel better.
I saw you leaving the young Queen’s chamber-”
Aragorn: (himself, hopefully) Is it over? Is she dead?
“Nay, Aragorn,” Legolas spoke sharply, narrowing his eyes, “I fear for her, she is unwell.
Aragorn: (himself, still hopeful) Unwell is a start... how ‘unwell?’
So you will think twice before you consider besmirching her reputation again.
Aragorn: (Legolas) We want to eliminate her, not merely her reputation.
Forgive my absence but I must leave you now. ”
Drew: (Legolas) There is a foul plot afoot.
As the Elven prince stormed away, the Ranger stared after him darkly.
Drew: (Aragorn) It’s not mine feet, I just vashed them!
“Truer words were never spoken, my friend.”
Drew: (Aragorn, sniffing delicately) I ....do need a bath.
“Lord Elrond, I must speak with you urgently,”
Drew: (Legolas) Your privies are out of paper.
Legolas had finally found the Lord of Rivendell in the Gardens of Elrond, gazing absently at the natural finery around him.
Aragorn: (snickers) The “Gardens of Elrond”... reminds me of the “Long Table Elrond.”
Elrond looked at him expectantly. “Yes, Legolas?” he smiled.
Drew: (Elrond) Have you brought back my navy blouse?
“I have returned from tending to Queen Andromielle.
Aragorn: (Legolas) I fear her stall is too small. And you need to walk her more often.
I know not what the matter is but she is in the most terrible state,”
Drew: (Legolas) I believe it was Missouri.
Aragorn: I don’t get it.
Drew: Missouri... Misery..?... Oh, never mind.
he said icily, not wanting to let on to the King that he knew everything which Andromielle had informed him on, “Her right arm bears claw like swipes.”
Drew: (bursts out laughing) Wolverine Andromielle!
Elrond’s eyes widened with hidden shame.
Drew: (Elrond) My wife is a freak.
“I must see to her,”
Aragorn: (Elrond) I will make sure she is given fresh hay on the morrow.
he stood quickly. “I appreciate your concern and for bringing this to my attention,” said he, hurrying away into the grand Elvish House.
Drew: Wait. Now, it’s a house? A few chapters ago, it was a city, and a kingdom.
Presently, he came upon Andromielle’s chamber entrance. He knocked before entering.
Drew: (Andromielle, thinking) " 'Tis ..Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door./This it is, and nothing more."
Andromielle was stood, leaning gracefully onto the railings of her exquisitely carved balcony, gazing out across the great landscape of Rivendell.
Drew: (Andromielle, thinking) “Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,/ Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before..”
Sensing a presence of high authority, Andromielle turned quickly, mostly out of fear,
Drew: (Andromielle) “Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!/Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”
and immediately bowed. “Lord Elrond,”
Aragorn: (Andromielle) I thought you were ...someone else.
said she, hoping her body did not succumb to trembling.
Drew: (Andromielle, thinking) “And my soul
from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor/ Shall be lifted---nevermore!”
Aragorn: (to Drew) I had no idea you could be so eloquent.
Elrond gently lifted her face with his hand so she looked directly into his eyes.
Drew: (Elrond) You are getting sleeeepy.. Sleeepy
“Forgive me, My Queen,” he whispered tearfully.
Aragorn: (twiches) He’s doing it again.
“My Lord?” Andromielle knew not the reason behind this apology.
Drew: (Andromielle) What do you think I caught you doing this time?
“Why did you not tell me you did not want to . . .”
Aragorn: (Elrond) Let Legolas kill you. You know I will do it for you, you have only to ask.
Elrond glanced at her sadly. “This is my fault,” he lifted the hem of her sleeve, to reveal the almost faded scratches,
Drew: (Elrond) I’ve been meaning to clip my nails for some time now.
he caressed the torn skin slowly, “Forgive me,” he repeated.
Aragorn: (Elrond) I taped over your VHS of "Jerry Springer: Shameful Elven secrets revealed - I'm actually human."
Andromielle pulled her arm away slowly. “You did not do anything wrong, my Lord.
Aragorn: (Andromielle) In truth, wearing strips with plaid is not... evil.
‘Tis I who should have spoken that I was not ready to partake in such an act of love,” she smiled in reassurance.
Drew: (Andromielle) Next time, how about a game of Boggle?
“I am old, Andromielle,” he looked away, his eyes settling upon fine Elvish buildings in the distance,
Aragorn: (Elrond) And my real wife has crossed the sea and gone into the West....
“Yet, with you I feel a strange youthfulness within my body.
Drew: (Elrond) Urge to kill... rising, rising...
It is the feeling of love.”
Drew: (to Aragorn) I’m sure he meant to
say, “It is a feeling I love.”
Aragorn: I assumed as much.
Andromielle stared at his back, which was turned away from her, wide eyed.
Aragorn: He’s got eyes in the back of his... (pauses) on his back.
Her mind found no adequate words to speak, instead she let Elrond continue.
Drew: (Elrond) I’m still just a plot device. Blah blah blah.
“You must feel saddled with me as a heavy burden.
Drew: Ok, I’m going to need an entire _bottle_ of Brain Bleach (tm) to clear out *that* mental image.
It is because of this marriage that I am withholding your freedom to marry for love, to someone of your own age,”
Drew: (Andromielle) You may take my life, but you will never take... my freedom!!
speaking softly, not daring to look at his Queen, Elrond closed his eyes afraid of what she must be thinking.
Drew: (Andromielle, thinking) What would I do for a Klondike bar?
“Do not say such things,” Andromielle narrowed her eyes, “You are anything but a burden upon me.
Aragorn: (Andromielle) It’s a good thing you’re not a big, fat guy or this would be really difficult.
A great man with wisdom beyond his years, who has taught me so much;
Drew: (Andromielle) Like shaving, having wars, driving cars, cleaning fish...
I am forever grateful.”
Aragorn: (Andromielle) I see you as the father I never ha-... never mind.
Elrond turned back to her, half smiling. “Let us speak no more upon this matter,” he bowed, “Til the dawn, my Queen.”
Drew: (Elrond) Good night, sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.
Andromielle felt the deep sorrow of his heart as Elrond left the room.
Drew: (Andromielle) He really did want a pony for his birthday, didn't he?
Sighing heavily, she stared blankly at her reflection in the mirror. Andromielle reached up to touch the golden circlet, frowning at the confused torrents of thoughts plaguing her mind.
Aragorn: (Andromielle) Should I wear my
hair up or down? Shall I look for Legolas once more so I can mess with
Drew: (Andromielle) How in the world did Richard Simmons get his own TV show?
The four earthy walls seemed to suffocate her endlessly, causing Andromielle to march straight out, unsure of where she was headed.
Aragorn: She walked off a random balcony and broke her neck. The end.
Her soul was shattering,
as she collapsed onto her knees under a wild Hawthorn tree.
Aragorn: (hopefully) Is she dead?
“Andromielle?” the soft voice was carried on the wings of the breeze towards the young queen.
“Legolas,” she acknowledged, not looking up, “I am so confused.”
Aragorn: (Legolas) Worry not. It will all be over soon, (evilly) one way or another.
The blond archer knelt down beside her, encouraging her to carry on.
Drew: (Legolas) I just know you're coo-coo for cocoa puffs!
“However, it matters not. I do not wish to trouble you with wretched tales of woe,” she smiled.
Aragorn: Great! Let me leave. (tries
Drew: (grabs his arm and holds it to the armrest) Steady...
Legolas just nodded. He reached out and traced the twisted metal of the circlet resting around her brow. “He gave this to you?” he asked, somewhat sadly.
Drew: (Legolas, whining) But he said I could have it.
Andromielle sensed the hurt deep within his eyes. “Yes,” she replied curtly, not wanting to conversation to continue any further,
Drew: (Legolas, disappointed) Fine. But I get it when you die.
as she stood, “Before I forget –– I must thank you for helping me today when you really needn’t have, but now everything is fine between Lord Elrond and I.”
Aragorn: (Andromielle) He’s agreed not to wear my night gowns.
As she began to walk away briskly, Legolas caught her arm. “You and I both know that is not true. You are not fine with him,” he scowled.
Drew: (Legolas) And before you know it, he’ll be wearing your shoes too.
“I need not listen to this,” Andromielle pulled away from him indignantly.
Drew: (Andromielle, fingers in ears) La la la! I can't hear you!
“Look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing for me,” said Legolas, crossing his arms.
Drew: I feel a headache coming on.
Andromielle hesitated, caught off guard for a moment. Then she straightened her shoulders and looked into his eyes.
Drew: (dreamily) Wow, they’re so
Aragorn: My eyes are blue.
Drew: (waving him off) Yeah yeah...
“I feel nothing for you,” she said firmly, as her heart screamed out in wild protest.
Aragorn: Well, my eyes have been screaming in protest for quite some time now.
“Why do you deny what you feel?” asked Legolas sadly as he felt her words of pretence.
Drew: (Andromielle, singing) ‘Cause I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight.
“I deny it simply because I shall remain faithful to my King,” she snapped,
Aragorn: (twiches) If she calls Elrond a king one more time, I’m going to snap.
furious at the fact that she was already trapped in this marriage thus, forbidding her to fall in love with anyone else.
Aragorn: Trapped, but not for long.
Angry at the irony, she muttered as she strode away.
Drew: (Andromielle, singing) It’s
like raaaain on your wedding day, a free ride when you’ve already paid...
Aragorn: Uh.. Neither of those are ironic; they are both just unfortunate.
Drew: Shh. (still singing) It’s good advice that you just don’t take...
Aragorn: And that one is just stupid.
The walk that had meant to sort out her array of jumbled thoughts had only succeeded in confusing her further.
Drew: Moments later, she committed seppuku.
Aragorn: That wasn’t the actual end... Was it?
Drew: (calls to the projection booth) Honey?
Honey: (calls down) That’s it! She quit writing because people didn’t like her story.
Drew: (sarcastically) Oh, that’s a shame.
Aragorn: I beg your pardon, madam? I wish to go home.... Although.. This was a very restorative activity.
Drew: (smiles) See? I told you you’d enjoy it. Does that mean you’ll help me with another one?
Aragorn: ... Uh... I will have to consult my daybook. Have your people write my people, we will have a banquet.
Aragorn: Is that it, may I leave now?
Drew: Um, no, according to AW’s precedent, we need to find something good about the story.
Aragorn: (blanches) Something good?
Drew: (nods) Something like... ‘it was an interesting plot, dealing with a myriad of social and emotional issues.’
Aragorn: Oh, I see.. Um... It did not make me see my lunch again.
Drew: Close... And she was consistent..
Drew: Within her own plot... for example, calling Elrond a king.
Drew: (sees the twitch) You might want to get that looked at.
Aragorn: I’m (twitch) fine. I just need to go spend some time with my wife... maybe visit the white tree...
Drew: Ok, we can go now... you can just leave the food wrappers here... they just disappear.
(Both stand, collect their things, Drew slips on her shoes, they walk to the back and knock on the door)
Drew: AW, let us out.
Drew: The fat lady has sung. Open the door.
Drew: Legolas? Make my brother open the door, or the next story I find will be all you, all the time.
(Doors fly open, the light nearly blinding Drew and Aragorn.)
Drew: (walks out calmly, sweetly) Thank you, Legolas. (sticks her tongue out at AW)
Legolas: (looking slightly pale) You are welcome, Drew.
AW: (sticks his tongue out at Drew)
Aragorn: Well met Legolas, AW.
Legolas: So, what did you think?
Aragorn: After the initial shock wore off, I believe I found it enjoyable, especially the parts where...
(Doors slam shut, leaving the theater in darkness.)
‘We Cannot Be’ by PrincessofAllFairyTaleThingz
MSTed by Drew
MSTing concept belongs to Best Brains
Aragorn, Legolas and other Lord of the Rings characters belong J. R. R. Tolkien’s estate.
(1) Excerpts from Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven”
~Special thanks to~
Al’s Waiter and Mierauch - you guys are great sounding boards
Miss Cam - for providing the text for the MST
Everyone who encouraged me to keep plowing through
“Knowing they should let go for fear of being seen made both more determined not to.”