We love fanfic. Honestly, we do.

But changing the *main plotline* of the canon story is ridiculous. (Except in speculative AU "what-if" type stories.) And Mary Sues upstage the canonical main characters, which really should not happen. If you want to be the main character, try doing original fiction. Then you can even publish it without breaking copyright laws, maybe even get rich. But if you do that, 
please knock your character down a few notches from "angel".

Each fanfic Jay and Acacia enter has its own chapter. The author and fic title are included in the chapter's title.

Critiques go to Acacia ([email protected]), because Jay ([email protected]) suffers from an inability to deal with criticism. (even good criticism.) Flames go to anyone you like, because they'll just be laughed at anyway. [2015 note: Please do not use these emails. All links below direct to Neshomeh's PPC: The Lost Tales site; many thanks to her for her excellent archive work!]

Chapter 1: Rambling Band

Meet the Assassins as they rid Middle-earth of stray punk rockers in Rivendell.

Chapter 2: Chosen

Galadriel's other daughter meets a timely end.

Chapter 3: Lady of the Fellowship

Technical difficulties are experienced, and necessity proves the mother of invention as the Asssassins encounter a Warrior-'Sue.

Chapter 4: Protector of the Ringbearer

Of blue unicorns and less probable things; The Department of Bad Slash proves helpful.

Chapter 5: What Might Have Been

The secret of Rivendell's construction, and the lost technology of Hollin -- cement.

Chapter 6: And in the Darkness Bind Them

 Zelda meets Dragonlance meets the Assassins: PPC 1, 'Link' 0.

Chapter 7: Children of the Earth

Sean and Lux tag along. Recruiting.

Chapter 8: Why am I Here

How to drive a Mary-Sue to madness: the Cheese Elves of Rivendell.

Chapter 9: Laugh at the Moon

Scientific 'Testing to Destruction' of a Mary-Sue.

Chapter 10: Vacation at OFUM

(Which turns out to be a Working Vacation, of course...)

Chapter 11: Mithril

Elrond's other daughter meets a timely end in Generic FantasyLand.

Chapter 12 : Gwendolyn

In which it is seen that ten is not a logical number.

Chapter 13: All Souls Night

What to do with flames, and no-win situations.

Chapter 14: Sisterhood

"Nine 'Sues for mortal men, doomed to cry..."

Chapter 15: The Maiden

Barbecue time! Party with the PPC!

Chapter 16: We Cannot Be

Andromielle Zinnia, 'Sue Social Status, and OOCness... (Plus! Limited time offer: see Jay sane.)

Chapter 17: Darkness Awakened

A transfer, a lichen that sounds like John Cleese and reincarnated Isildur - 'Izzy' - teaming up with a Jedi named Matrix - it's time to take on crossovers.

Chapter 18: Two Worlds

The prodigal daughter of Remus Lupin and Galadriel gets what's coming to her.

Chapter 19: Torment

"You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps.." - Especially when dealing with a case where the canon characters are totally out of their mind. Oh, the pain...

Chapter 20: The Luggage Runs Off With the One Ring

Discworld crossover mayhem - say goodby to sanity...

Chapter 21: Elemental Crystals

On dragons and *real* dragons

Chapter 22: To Know Where You Are Going

NEW! Elrond and Arwen. The lovestory never told. For a bloody good reason, as Jay and Acacia... explain to the Possesion-Sue.

Chapter 23: A Taste of Blood

Poor Legolas has finally had it, and kills himself (who can blame him?), making Jay team up with Dee of the RPF Department to give the Author a good whacking

Chapter 24: Broken Doll

Jay gets a new partner, a Sue gets a new appriciation for battleaxes

Chapter 25: No Way Back

NEW! The sad story of Candie the sk8er girl and her demise