"Why, hullo. How lovely you doth be!"
Horrified, Kira slowly turned around to face Bilbo.
Kate blinked. "And he's talking funny!"
"AAAAH!!" Kira yelled. "Bad Shakespearean English!!"
Bilbo dropped to one knee.
"AAAAUGH!" Kate cried. "Droppy-to-knee-ey-ness!"
"If either one of you nameless beauties would take my hand in marriage, I would live happily ever after to the end of my days."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Kate screamed in complete and utter despair. "A marriage proposal!! And a line from the movie!! We're . . ." She paused for dramatic emphasis. " . . .
Maaaaary Suuuuues!"

Welcome to Suedom's new home, where Andy and Saphie's tale lives on - and those who have a problem with that can head over to the Complaints department and ask for Miss Cam.



by Andy and Saphie

Rated PG-13

A mysterious object, known only as the "Bridge," is taking bad Lord of the Rings fanfic, particularly Mary-Sues, off of the internet and affecting Middle-Earth's reality.

Middle-Earth is in pieces! Chaos reigns!

Enter Kate and Kira, two internet buddies who get sucked into Middle-Earth as unwilling Mary-Sues. Their only wish: To get the hell home. But they can't do that yet, because they're not the only ones being pulled into Middle-Earth as Mary-Sues. Other random girls are being turned into the perfect, big-breasted, tiny-waisted female characters, and being brainwashed to think they are those characters. The Bridge is pulling them in.

Enter the PPC. The Protectors of the Plot Continuum patrol Middle-earth in disguise, killing the 'Sues and protecting the Canon. They're the good guys (sort of.) What they don't know is that they're killing innocent people, brainwashed and trapped in the 'Sues bodies.

Now Kate and Kira, the only Sues strong enough to resist the will of the Authors, are Middle-Earth's last hope. With the help of Gimli and ├łowyn (the only characters that can resist the Mary Sues' mind-numbing influence), and guided (often into ditches and off cliffs) by the tortured, semi-evil writer of the very first Mary-Sue (who, incidentally, is trapped in the form of an urple dragon), the girls must find the Bridge and destroy it.

All while avoiding being snogged to death by lovesick characters, saving other Mary-Sues, fighting other Mary-Sues who want to stay 'Sued, and surviving random encounters with the recruits of the PPC.

And of course, while avoiding the most deadly assassins of all, Jay and Acacia themselves.Can they save the Canon, or are they target practice?

This story is an interfic, of course ('cause they rock.) To review or enroll as a PPC agent or Mary-Sue go to our handy-dandy Suedom Message Board. (URL: [URL removed])

If you wanna e-mail us (for some reason or another), do so at: [email removed]


Chapter One: Enter the Dragons
Chapter Two: Things Get Weird
Chapter Three: It Gets a Lot More Complicated
Chapter Four: Legolas and the Gingerbread Castle of Doom
Chapter Five: Kate Makes an Even Bigger Fool of Herself than Usual
Chapter Six: Of Dimwits, D.O.R.K.S, and Dwarf Ale
Chapter Seven: Of Talking Trees and Miruvor Bombs
Chapter Eight: The 'Sues of Rohan
Chapter Nine: Bitchin' Around the Campfire

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