Tales From Alter!World
Chapter Two

Part One: AW in A!W

AW sits at his computer, checking e-mail. He receives the finished MST from his sister, Drew, grins as he reads it, and codes it, a laborious and evil process. At last, finally finished, he stands up, working the kinks out of his back. He begins to walk down the hall to the small bathroom, changes his mind, reverses course and heads for the kitchen.

AW: I need a grilled cheese.

Unfortunately for the erstwhile blue elf, a large and invisible plothole blocks his entry to the kitchen. Oblivious to this, he walks straight through it..

Into the Alter!World.

He appears to be inside a giant kitchen of some kind. The walls are a hospital white, and, bizarrely, there is a sign that says "Home Sweet Home" situated on one of them. There are rows and rows of long wooden tables, and all around, various people are making cheese sandwiches. Slab after slab of cheese is slapped between two cold slices of white bread. AW looks around in puzzlement, and scratches his head

AW: ...this isn' the kitchen.

One of the sandwich makers looks up at the sound of his voice. This is THALIA.

Thalia: Hey, check out the blue guy! Hey blue guy... want a sandwich?

AW: Um... o...kaaaay.... who are you, and where is my kitchen?

Thalia (supernaturally cheerful): Why, this is Alter!World, of course.

AW looks at her blankly.

Thalia (still cheerful): Here, have a sandwich.

AW (taking it): Thanks. Hey, do you have any grilled ones?

Thalia (blank): Grilled?

AW: Yeah. Grilled.

Thalia: Grilled...never heard of it.

AW: What?! That's a travesty! That?s sacrilege! (pats her on the back) Poor, deprived child.

Thalia (looks at him oddly): What does this "grilling" entail?

AW: Have we got a frying pan?

Thalia: I thought we were grilling something...

AW: We are... (as if that explains everything)

Thalia (still looking at him oddly): All right?

They go off together, presumably to find a frying pan. Some time passes, and a cry of the utmost joy is heard.

Random Person: Hee, you know, I could insert a random innuendo here if I felt like it.

AW: And that's a grilled cheese sandwich.

Thalia (*_*): ...wow...

AW: I knew you'd see the light.

Thalia: I gotta tell everyone!

AW (blinks): Okay...

Some time later...

Masses: All hail AW... the bringer of GRILLED CHEESE!..

AW: Whooa....

Masses: Worship AW!

AW: Heh...cool. (evil grin)

Thalia: What do you command, O Wise and Noble AWship, Bringer of the Holy Grilled Cheese?

AW: (grins maniacally)

A whump is heard in the distance. There is a short pause, and a bemused and rumpled LEGOLAS walks towards the devoutly worshipping hordes. He catches sight of AW, reclining regally on a lounge chair situated on a raised dais.

Legolas (rubbing head): I must have... injured myself?

AW (catching sight of Legolas): Legolas, my elf! Come here!

Legolas: ...AW??

AW: Nope. I'm The "Wise and Noble AWship, Bringer of the Holy Grilled Cheese"!

Legolas: ?

AW: Watch this! (snaps fingers)

Masses: (chicken dance)

Legolas: o_O

AW: Come, sit by me. Ahh, this is the life? (gets an idea, grins evilly, and sits up) And would you be so kind as to wear this? (hands him a multi-coloured hat with two drooping points)

Legolas: ?

Part Two: Thalia

THALIA sits at her computer, drinking tea and blearily checking her email. Suddenly, her face lights up.

Thalia: All riiiight, update at Lord of the MST!

Several minutes pass as she begins to read.

Thalia: They weren't kidding about the no food and beverage warning!

She gets up, searching for a paper towel with which to clean tea off the keyboard. Her eyes, fuzzy from spending way too much time staring at a computer screen, completely miss the gaping portal which she is unwittingly walking through.

Yup, she misses the portal... Guess where she is! Dun dun DUN.... Alter!World!

Thalia (rubs her eyes): Qua?

Surrounding her is a lush jungle, full of every kind of wildlife. Blue and yellow monkeys cavort through waterfalls, and?there appears to be a giant computer on the horizon. Thalia blinks.

Thalia: Must've... fallen asleep at the computer? (scratches head) This is bizarre.

A blue monkey swings up to Thalia, utilizing one of the many vines that hang from the lushly foliated trees.

Monkey: HI!

Thalia: Gaah!

Monkey: (chatters nonsensically)

Thalia: (hesitantly pats it on the head) Hi?

Monkey: (giggles)

Thalia (smiling): Aren't you a cutie? What's your name?

Monkey: (grabs Thalia, picks her up, and swings with her)

Thalia: AUUUGH! AUUUGH! LET ME DOWN! (looks down) AUUUGH! DON?T!

Monkey: (chatters away happily)

Thalia: (clings to the monkey) MOMMY!

Some minutes later, they reach a rather large pavillion among the trees. The monkey places Thalia down gently on it.

Monkey: Oook!

Thalia: Oook?

Monkey: Oook oook!

Thalia: ...Does anyone here speak ENGLISH?

Elephant: I do...

Thalia: ?!

Elephant: Look... you're human.

Thalia: (nods)

Elephant: We don't... do humans.

Thalia: ?

Elephant: You're the first human here. Ever.

Thalia: And??

Elephant: Well, we can either worship you or collectively stampede you.

THALIA blinks.

Thalia: Do I get to choose?

Elephant: Um. No.

Thalia: Damnit.

The ELEPHANT disappears. THALIA blinks, then sits twiddling her thumbs for a while.

Monkey: Ook.

Thalia: Shut. Up.

ELEPHANT appears again.

Elephant: Okay, we've decided to worship you.

Thalia: Um... yay?

A stampede of elephants, monkeys, parrots, and other spiff-tastic jungle animals appear. They stare at THALIA. THALIA stares back.

Thalia: Um... hi?


Thalia blinks, somewhat taken aback. Then she grins

Thalia: Okay... first we redecorate... I'm thinking Neo-Gothic here?

-End of Chapter Two-

Chapter Three