Chapter Three: Things Get Weird...er

Drew and Aragorn are now in a majestic palace. They are seated on gorgeous baroque gold thrones, in a huge throne room whose stone walls are draped with luxurious fabrics and other uber-spiffy things.

Thalia: So let me get this straight. You're not really married.

Drew: (nods)

Thalia (shaking her head bemusedly): Well I suppose that doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, you're the rulers and everything. And everyone thinks you're married.

Aragorn: I know. It's not right... they shouldn't. We should tell the truth.

Thalia: But you are the king and queen...

Drew: I'm no queen... I'm an Elf. Elves can't be queen.

Aragorn: EXCUSE me??

Drew: Face it, she's not an Elf any more, hotshot.

Thalia: But you ARE the queen, you're the Supreme High Goddess Drewness And Queen Of All Alter!World...

Drew: Stop that! I don't even look like a queen!

Aragorn: She's got a point there.

Drew: Shut. it.

There is a lengthy pause as Drew taps her fingers on the armrest of her throne.

Drew: Ok, so we have all these brainwashed minions at our command... I could use a footrub.

Aragorn: That is NOT how one is to use absolute power.

Drew: Fine. Then what would you suggest?

Aragorn: They need to build giant statues of my kin... Hundreds of feet tall, out of solid granite.

Drew: Oh yeah, like that's not abusing your position. All I wanted was a footrub.

Suddenly, the ground begins to shake. Many things fall to the ground and break. Drew and Aragorn hide behind their thrones as the earthquake increases in intensity.

Drew (scared): What's happening?

Thalia: Aragorn! Protect your wife!

Aragorn: I thought we went through this! She's not my-

A large white object goes flying through the air, hitting Aragorn in the head. He drops unconscious. Drew smirks

Drew: Mwahahaha. Serves him right?

A chair hits her in the head, and she slumps, knocked out.

AW: No, I'm serious about the hat.

Legolas: There is no way, blue-elf.

AW: Fine, if you?re going to be that way... here, at least sit down by me. (motions to a second chaise lounge)

Legolas: Thanks.

Thalia looks up and sees Legolas.

Thalia (smiling): I see AW has found a... queen.

AW (spluttering): What?! No, you-

Legolas (evil grin): Yes, I'm AW's... we're... together, if you know what I mean.

Thalia: I see. (knowing look)

AW: Now, just hold on a minute-

Thalia: No need to be ashamed. There's no prejudice here for those who have...different preferences. I'm sure the people will love your partner. (To the masses) All hail your new Queen!

Masses: Hail the queen! Hail the queen!

Legolas (to AW, smirking): The hat was a bad move, blue-elf.

AW (fuming): You're evil.

Legolas: You taught me everything I know...

AW: (glares)

The ground starts shaking. AW and Legolas are thrown from the chaise lounge onto the ground as the masses run around frantically, screaming

AW: Legolas! We're going to be trampled to death!

Legolas: (grunts)

AW: (shakes Legolas) Wake up, you stupid elf! Please don't die on me... please?(tearfully) Come on, Legolas?

Legolas (blinking): If you kiss me on the forehead I'll punch your lights out.

The lights turn off. Mass pandemonium descends

AW: Legolas?? Are you awake?

Something hits him in the head. He blacks out

Thalia: So let me get this straight. There are contractual liabilities for being Supreme High Dictatoress of the Jungle Kingdom of Alter!World?

Elephant: (nods)

Thalia: (flips through a giant pile of papers) Supreme executive power, bla bla bla, clause sub-clause C through D... What does this mean?

Elephant: Basically, you get to do whatever you want except- well, this and this and this and this...

Thalia: What a gyp! Supreme executive power shouldn't have limitations! What is this, a democracy?

An ominous rumbling begins in the distance. Thalia looks up, startled

Thalia: What is that?

Elephant: Sounds like a thinning of Alter!Worldwalls. (sighs) This keeps happening. Honestly...

Thalia: Mind clarifying that?

Elephant: Well, every so often- actually, quite often- the walls of Alter!world start to- well, break. Alter!Worlds are usually lumped three at a time around here, and the strain of holding them together can rupture the fabric of the spacetime continuum of the walls. Basically it's a giant earthquake and the ruler - that's you - always gets conked out. You'll probably wake up somewhere completely different.

Thalia: Joy. And just when I was getting used to supreme executive power...

There is shortly an earthquake, and surely enough Thalia is knocked out. Surprise.

-End of Chapter Three-