1. Yea, and twice per year there shall be put out a call, and the Official Smiting Ceremony will be held.
2. And though in most matters the Great One is flexible, the Official Smiting Ceremony may only be held twice per year.
3. And lo, on these days the Faithful will gather together, along with all else who desire a good show.
4. And the Smite Box shall be opened, and the names proclaimed to the Halls of the PPC by Chanter Hawkelf.
5. And then shall incense be lit by Ciela Night, and Tea made by the combined efforts of Tea Makers Saphie Ellings, SilentStep, Abigail Kathleen Something-something and Newmoon.
6. And lo, the Great One herself shall come, and she shall wear her Most Holy Hat, and she shall have her tail brushed by her official tail brusher, Nenya Quen de Gabriel, and she shall be groomed by her official groomer, Deepy, and she shall drink tea.
7. And when, in her greatness, she feels that she has gathered her strength enough, she shall summon unto herself the Associated Smiter Selene Morgana Lillith Perdita X Windflower and the Smiting Tool WyldeHorse.
8. And the Priestesses Kaitlyn, Airmid Star, Ella Darcy, Chelsea 'Fawkes' Miller, Luhtarian, Thalia Weaver and Flamingo Feathers shall declaim unto the assembled, "Now shall the Great Goddess perform the smitings that have been requested of her!"
9. And then, the Great One shall step forward and unleash her powers, and many shall be smote, smitten and smited.
10. And in her mercy, the Great One shall only smite each of those selected once.
11. Unless they happen to be Kit, in which case they deserve it.
12. And lo, the crowd shall then disperse, and the Medical Department shall be overwhelmed with burn victims.
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Step Away From The Cupboard