Welcome to the Official Temple of GreyLadyBastWelcome to the Official Temple of GreyLadyBastYou enter a dusty, cobwebbed room. In the centre of the room is a large piece of furniture that can only be called a divan. It is covered with what appears to be grey velvet. Long scratch marks are evident on the divan, but far more evident is the spreading mould. This room has clearly not been used for a long time. The following note is pinned to the divan.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: The Temple of GreyLadyBast has been CLOSED. GreyLadyBast has officially resigned her position as Patron Goddess of the PPC following a certain... incident. This temple remains for historical value, not for worship. I repeat, GreyLadyBast will not answer your prayers, will not smite anyone, and is not testing the Deserving by her continued absence.
Dafydd Illian, ex-High Priest
There is a large inscription above the divan.
Welcome to the Official Temple of GreyLadyBast, the patron Goddess of the PPC.
In order to make clearing up easier, we of the OToGLB respectfully request that you do not offend the Goddess in any way. She tends to smite people who make her unhappy, and we�re the ones who have to clear up afterwards. It�s not fun.
Here at the Temple, we do have a few very strict rules. It would be a good idea to obey them and avoid a smiting.
IT IS FORBIDDEN to eat the flesh of a horse that has lain dead for exactly nineteen years and three months.
IT IS FORBIDDEN to drink the blood of an intelligent pigeon with exactly forty-two pure white feathers.
IT IS FORBIDDEN to throw grey pebbles 34.5 millimetres in diameter and perfectly spherical at any form of pillar, column or supporting wall.
IT IS FORBIDDEN to refer to any other worshipper of GreyLadyBast as a �horse-like lump of undigested cat food who has eaten exactly fifteen and five twelfths of a carrot�.
IT IS FORBIDDEN to correctly pronounce the word �Askeberitanisxcretyhgqerniantiopnmerltlg�.
IT IS FORBIDDEN to play any Meatloaf song in the vicinity of the Goddess GreyLadyBast. If you should disobey this rule, especially by playing 'Paradise by the Dashboard Light', her smiting of you will not stop until you have to be scraped off the ground with a chisel.
IT IS FORBIDDEN to refer to the High Priest as 'normal' unless a disclaimer such as '...for a PPC Agent' or '... for a homicidal maniac' is attatched.
IT IS FORBIDDEN to eat the flesh of a Mary-Sue while imbibing large quantities of bleepka. (Actually, this last is not forbidden. It�s just good advice, as the last person to perform such an experiment died within thirteen seconds. Thirteen very loud and messy seconds)
It is also forbidden, although not by the Goddess, to make fun of the High Priest�s accent. Or his spelling. He can get very... touchy. And by �touchy�, we mean �homicidal�. He's British. Deal with it.
There are a number of display cases around the walls, all firmly shuttered. Or at least, they were once firmly shuttered. The crowbar on the floor may offer a hint as to why they now hang open.
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