And the Great Goddess GreyLadyBast did appear unto the Priestess Kaitlyn in a vision, and lo, the knowledge of this vision, as penned by the Priestess Kaitlyn, has now come to us.
1. And now I, the Priestess Kaitlyn, do speak unto you concerning the will of the most Holy Goddess GreyLadyBast, for I have seen Her and She has imparted unto me Her wisdom.
2. No, of course I didn't steal one of the Sacred Mushrooms, the ones that only the High Priest Dafydd is allowed to touch.
3. Okay, fine, it happened like this�I mean, and behold, it came to pass that I was speaking unto Agent Constance, of the Lord of the Rings Mary Sue Department, and she said unto me, Why Is That Dafydd Person Always Eating Those Glowing Mushrooms?
4. And I did say unto her, Dunno. They Look Radioactive To Me.
5. And she said unto me, Yeah. Why Don't You Try One And See?
6. And I did say unto her, I Don't Think So. Only the High Priest Is Allowed To Eat Those.
7. And she did say, I Dare You.
8. And I did look away, and say unto her, I Double-Dare You To Eat One.
9. And she spake unto me saying, I Triple-Dog Dare You.
10. And behold, my heart was heavy, for I did not wish to bring shame upon myself by refusing a triple-dog dare, and I partook of the Sacred Mushrooms.
11. And the room did begin to spin about me and I did fall to the ground, and I did say, Ouch.
12. And behold, Constance did laugh at me. And I did look up, and open my mouth to yell at her, but I beheld that it was not Constance at all, but the Most Holy Goddess GreyLadyBast, and She did wear upon Her Holy Head a Hat, such as the Goddess does wear, according to teachings of the High Priest.
13. And I was frightened, and I did tremble most exceedingly.
14. And behold, She spake thusly: What Color Do You Call That, Then?
15. And my fear was so great that I could not answer. And She spake again, saying, Are You Listening To Me, Young Lady?
16. And I did answer, saying, Er. Purple?
17. And She did say, Purple Shirt With An Orange Skirt?
18. And I did say, Um. Yes?
19. And She did say, Have You No Fashion Sense At All?
20. And I did not answer that.
21. And again She spake unto me, saying, Listen, You Really Need To Get Some Kind Of Temple Uniform. Grey Robes, Okay? Can We Agree On Grey?
22. And I did say unto Her, Whatever You Want Your Most Holy... Goddess-ness.
23. And She did say unto me, Well, Good. By The Way, Why Do You People Keep Eating Those Mushrooms? They Look Radioactive.
24. And before I did answer, She was gone.
25. And behold, I did praise Bast with many sacrifices of donuts, for my heart delights in Her greatness. Also, these grey robes are pretty cool-looking. Amen.
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Step Away From The Cupboard